Question about dreams deferred

[seekingface09 0]

Maybe someone can answer this or can relate to this. Have you ever found yourself wondering why you aren't doing the things you really love doing in ministry? I ask this question because I grew up singing. I love to sing. I know that God anointed my voice to sing. NOt bragging, it is something I dream about wake up with, rather be doing than anything. However I wonder if I lost that anointing. As a child I sang. Came from a singing family. Won many talent shows. Sang in church choirs, before thousands of people-prominent well known people. I loved it. However I find now in my adult life the tables have turned. All I have ever wanted to do was sing for the Lord. I used to lead sing/solo. I never though I was better than anyone-it was just I knew that was the thing that God gave me. God gives everyone a thing (gift)-some he gives many. You know, each of has a niche in life. And that was mine. Do you feel me? So it is not a bragging thing. Some people can cook well-that's the thing that brings them joy. Mine was singing-and the gift made room for me. But here is my point. For the past few years my gift seem to have been lost. I am a minister-I teach and preach the word of God-I love that-But I am hardly ever given a chance to sing. I sing background for someone else. For years I have felt that I wasn't good enough anymore to lead. I never get any opportunities. Did I covet the gift? I wonder. I don't feel like I was better than anyone else. Singing my songs was my way of offering praise to God in my own way. Each of us has a uniqueness that God has given us. I saw singing was one of them. As with some, writing books may be theirs. It all belong to God. But now each time I feel like I'll never get the chance to express my love for God. Yes I do through singing background, but it is different when you know God has gifted you in an area. If I am trying not to sound cocky or prideful-but I feel sufficated because My voice was created to give God glory. Help me? Have you been there before? Is this a dream deferred? I keep telling myself that there will be another time...Is it past gone or just wishful thinking.

How do I feel about background singing? I still feel it is for the glory of God-But I feel that I have more to give....

[Dove-Solutions 0]

I know what you are asking....maybe the Lord is using you to help others have confidence to use their gifting and in so doing gives you instances to lead in that area. Remember that sometimes He has a reason. I know it can be difficult but I encourage you to continue to uplift our Lord in any way that presents itself and help others to develope their gifts and he will reward you.

These are just my thoughts.

Love in Jesus,

Connie

[Lori Lane 0]

iamfree42 I agree with Connie. I would like to add. That I can relate to you. I was given an assignment by the Lord to use my gifts and I did it, it was prematurly taken away. However I know the Lord allowed it. I had to die to it for a season. The Lord used that time to refine it and me and to mature me and my gifting even more. I cried a thousand tears and I felt like hope defered made the heart sick, as you discribe.
The Lord gave you that gift for Him, girl use it when no one is looking and Bless God with it first and formost just you and Him.... And as Connie said, build others up and encourage them in their gift and the Lord will honor you what you give, will be given back unto you. There is a good book called, "Pain, preplexity and promotion. Consider reading it, it will help you.

Bless you dear one and hold on! God always perfects that which He has begun in us! Amen?

Agape, Lori

[seekingface09 0]

Amen. I love to see others doing what they love and enjoying it. I know that life makes full circles. Sometimes you don't understand where you are, but I know that God does give your heart desires. My desire above everything is to please Him. Reguardless of what my flesh thinks it ought to be doing. I know that if I am faithful-and anyone else in this or any situation they feel is too exhausting or not what you would want at the time- If we are just faithful in that he will bless us and multiply us in much. That's my encouragement. So whatever we do-do it as unto the Lord and for His glory. Thank you

[LovetoworshipJesus 0]

I agree I am in that same situation. I am a powerful leader who loves to sing but rightnow I am singing backup and you know what sometimes as a good leader one must know how to follow before leading. Sometime our flesh get in the way I was dealing with this same situation last night, but when I am singing to the Lord while in the backround I totally zone out and I sing to him. My deisre s to become a famous gospel singer. I know I will. So I want to encourage to watch. fight and pray for all things that concerns the Lord our God. I pray that God gives you the desires of your heart. :afro:

[watchman 0]

There is a season and time for everything

[hisbeauty4ashes 0]

Blessings to you lovely ones.

I just read this and it blessed me deeply. I understand what you are walking through.iamfree42. There comes a time where there is a loss and a death of vision in the Lord that we walk through. It is as if everything in us that use to give us joy was taken and stripped away, at least that is what the enemy tried to feed us and it is not true at all it is a lie from the pit of hell! The truth is that we go through a season where the Lord wants to take us deeper into himself and bring us to the end of ourselves so that only he remains. Let me share a little of my situation with you to help you understand.

I did street ministry for several years and it faded away.I then spoke at prophetic conferences all over California for two years I loved it,Then it just stopped. Then shortly after these ministries faded away my brother was murdered and his murder was never solved, and my mentor was hit in a head on car collision and died a week after my brother died. Then an aunt I was close to dies just a few days latter.I then lost my house because the person I lived with decided she needed the room for her mother, so I slept in my van. My friends walked out of my life and I was betrayed and then I had to have a shoulder surgery in the midst of all of that. I went through the most darkest hour of my life for three years. Ministry was no where in sight and the presence of the Lord was lifted and I felt like he had abandoned me.

This was a period in my life where I would either trust my beloved through these times or walk away from him. Every day was a time where I was hanging on by a thread to the cross it was moment by moment that kept me trusting and believing that he was there no matter what my flesh thought or felt. It was the most darkest time and the deepest work he had done in me, it was in that place I found the treasure that was hidden in the darkness like in Isaiah 45. The hidden treasure I found in that time was the love that I touched in him that is so priceless and so unique. In other words the Lord was stripping me of me so that he would have room in me to live and really have his being. When his presence came back to me he asked me this question, " When your health fails you, and your friends betray you, and when you lose a family member and everything is taken away from you," am I enough?" I wept so hard and at the same time was so over joyed that his presence returned that I was undone completely before him.

You see he does not care about the gift you have that glorifies him he cares about the relationship we have in him and with him.In other words he has given us gifts to glorify him yes but what really matters is that he is number one in your life and when all is stripped away we will continue to praise him and keep him first in our lives and in that it makes room for the gift. Out of him will flow the anointing and gift on our lives. He will then bring you into a place as he breaths in you again for that gift and he will resurrect it in a greater measure.

After I came out of this place of death to everything, I went to Mission School in Africa at Heidi Bakers ministry. I was resurrected again in the anointing of the prophetic and the Lord was expanding the gift and bringing it into a higher level then what is was before, and he was training me in a greater way with the anointing that was greater then before, he placed his heart in me for all the students to love them as if they were my own children. He placed a desire in me to equip the body for missions. I went through a major season of training in Africa to only come home and find myself hit with five major surgeries back to back in a fourteen month period. I knew I was doing what I felt I was designed for and that was to teach and equip and take teams into other nations. I was suppose to travel all to different nations and help the main teacher teach and equip others for Missions this was going to be apart of my training. I had to cancel doing all that I felt I was destined for, because I had these surgeries and needed recovery time. Well now in my heart all my visions and dreams have died in this area.

It is alright that these things have died, because I know through this time though it was not easy that he is doing an even greater and deeper work in me and when the time comes where he breathes again it will be greater then I could ever think or imagine. He will again raise me up in his timing.

You see dear one, he wants to be number one and in that there is a deeper work he is doing in us to prepare us for the end times and the gifts we have will totally and completely belong to him and it will only flow from him and not out of our own flesh. He is it for me if I never do ministry again he is still more then enough for me. To be honest ministry is not just the ones people think are the big ministry like the pulpit or the albums we make, it is just loving the one in front of us that he places there. Ministry is just a simple hug or a smile or paying for coffee for the one at Starbucks.

He loves us and he will give us the desires of our hearts once his heart is established in us for him, it is then he will will give us much and then much more is required.

You are not done yet beautiful one just submit to the process and in that process he will breath again.

Hugs
Jeanie

[seekingface09 0]

Amen to all who responded. Hisbeauty...one thing I have learned-the greater the pain, the greater the anointing. Much pain, much to gain. If we suffer with him, we will reign with Him. Praise God. It used to cause me to cry, but now it doesn't bother me-I just wonder. I know that the things I thought I knew does not matter. I just have to enjoy the ride. I read your testimony once before and the power of God is awesome.

[hisbeauty4ashes 0]

He is awesome yes the more pain the greater the anointing. This all comes with the forming and shaping us more onto what he has designed us to be,more like him. In the end he has to be our everything to be able to flow out of that anointing with clean hands and a pure heart.

Hugs
Jeanie

[Dove-Solutions 0]

Oh my gosh, I so know what you are talking about Jeanie and Iamfree. I was 7 years in the refining oven. It is the very place that I held on by a thread...each day crying out asking Him to give me strength to carry on. Know that our Father is doing a refining in you and you will be like gold and silver. We are like unto clay in the potters hand.

Love in Jesus,


Connie

[seekingface09 0]

I believe that!!! I receive that! I will wait til my change come. Praise God.

[HisLightbeam 0]

Jeanie, this ministered so deeply to me - it is a whisper in my soul.........

hisbeauty4ashes wrote:

Blessings to you lovely ones.

I just read this and it blessed me deeply. I understand what you are walking through.iamfree42. There comes a time where there is a loss and a death of vision in the Lord that we walk through. It is as if everything in us that use to give us joy was taken and stripped away, at least that is what the enemy tried to feed us and it is not true at all it is a lie from the pit of hell! The truth is that we go through a season where the Lord wants to take us deeper into himself and bring us to the end of ourselves so that only he remains. Let me share a little of my situation with you to help you understand.

I did street ministry for several years and it faded away.I then spoke at prophetic conferences all over California for two years I loved it,Then it just stopped. Then shortly after these ministries faded away my brother was murdered and his murder was never solved, and my mentor was hit in a head on car collision and died a week after my brother died. Then an aunt I was close to dies just a few days latter.I then lost my house because the person I lived with decided she needed the room for her mother, so I slept in my van. My friends walked out of my life and I was betrayed and then I had to have a shoulder surgery in the midst of all of that. I went through the most darkest hour of my life for three years. Ministry was no where in sight and the presence of the Lord was lifted and I felt like he had abandoned me.

This was a period in my life where I would either trust my beloved through these times or walk away from him. Every day was a time where I was hanging on by a thread to the cross it was moment by moment that kept me trusting and believing that he was there no matter what my flesh thought or felt. It was the most darkest time and the deepest work he had done in me, it was in that place I found the treasure that was hidden in the darkness like in Isaiah 45. The hidden treasure I found in that time was the love that I touched in him that is so priceless and so unique. In other words the Lord was stripping me of me so that he would have room in me to live and really have his being. When his presence came back to me he asked me this question, " When your health fails you, and your friends betray you, and when you lose a family member and everything is taken away from you," am I enough?" I wept so hard and at the same time was so over joyed that his presence returned that I was undone completely before him.

You see he does not care about the gift you have that glorifies him he cares about the relationship we have in him and with him.In other words he has given us gifts to glorify him yes but what really matters is that he is number one in your life and when all is stripped away we will continue to praise him and keep him first in our lives and in that it makes room for the gift. Out of him will flow the anointing and gift on our lives. He will then bring you into a place as he breaths in you again for that gift and he will resurrect it in a greater measure.

After I came out of this place of death to everything, I went to Mission School in Africa at Heidi Bakers ministry. I was resurrected again in the anointing of the prophetic and the Lord was expanding the gift and bringing it into a higher level then what is was before, and he was training me in a greater way with the anointing that was greater then before, he placed his heart in me for all the students to love them as if they were my own children. He placed a desire in me to equip the body for missions. I went through a major season of training in Africa to only come home and find myself hit with five major surgeries back to back in a fourteen month period. I knew I was doing what I felt I was designed for and that was to teach and equip and take teams into other nations. I was suppose to travel all to different nations and help the main teacher teach and equip others for Missions this was going to be apart of my training. I had to cancel doing all that I felt I was destined for, because I had these surgeries and needed recovery time. Well now in my heart all my visions and dreams have died in this area.

It is alright that these things have died, because I know through this time though it was not easy that he is doing an even greater and deeper work in me and when the time comes where he breathes again it will be greater then I could ever think or imagine. He will again raise me up in his timing.

You see dear one, he wants to be number one and in that there is a deeper work he is doing in us to prepare us for the end times and the gifts we have will totally and completely belong to him and it will only flow from him and not out of our own flesh. He is it for me if I never do ministry again he is still more then enough for me. To be honest ministry is not just the ones people think are the big ministry like the pulpit or the albums we make, it is just loving the one in front of us that he places there. Ministry is just a simple hug or a smile or paying for coffee for the one at Starbucks.

He loves us and he will give us the desires of our hearts once his heart is established in us for him, it is then he will will give us much and then much more is required.

You are not done yet beautiful one just submit to the process and in that process he will breath again.

Hugs
Jeanie