IS it me or????

[chica4christ 0]

I will try to make this as short as possible aka cliff notes.

I moved to Austin from Houston in December of 2002 because I had gotten married.
Fast forward to May 2007, I am divorced.
June of 2007 I reconcile my relationship with the Lord
Start attending my home church, get plugged in, find a small group and become a member
Fast forward to June 2009
I have gone through 5 YES i said it 5 small groups

They have all gone away for different reason. Leader(s) felt to step down, it was temporary for a particular series, the group was just thrown together, or it just went away all together because people weren't showing up to meet consistently.

With this being said, community for me is EXTREMELY important as I am wired as a extrovert, social butterfly and being around people. If I have fallen from grace it is because I become independent and fall into things I shouldn't or hang out with people I shouldn't. Well, I thought my 5th would be IT for a long time and I found out this week, its not going to happpen. So for now I'm going to visit another church during the week as we do not have a sanctuary being we meet in a high school gym.

I know A LOT of people to church but I'm not connected to them or the church either, since we only meet once a week on Sundays and now I have no small group AGAIN! I love my church and I know thats where God has me but its been extremely hard to attend on Sundays as well being I have gone home a lot since November 08.

In Nov I was gone 3 weekends out of the 4 being that it was my dad's bday, former youth pastor died suddenly in motorcycle accident at the age of 53 and lastly it was Thanksgiving

In Dec, I get 2 weeks off and I am gone the whole time

Jan - Cousins bday
March - My bday
April - Easter and went to cousins wedding in Cali
May - Mothers day and friends wedding

So case in point is I've been gone A LOT and I'm finding it VERY difficult to connect and my mainline is during the week when I'm here.

I have prayed about moving back to Houston but haven't had direction or peace on that either. :Yell:

Fortunately, i do have a very good friend/best friend/sister and she has taken me as one of her family members and while I appreciate it and love her 5 yr old son and her husband is like a big bro to me...at the end of the day I'm single, I go home and she has her own family.

I'm sorry for the rambilng and being all over the page but this season has been EXTREMELY difficult for me. I feel as though I'm not here in Austin totally nor in Houston when I do visit.

Everything is just cloudy!

[Cholette 0]

Hi Chica4Christ!

It's not you per se, but I believe it's about the plan that God has for you. As far as the groups...have you thought about starting one yourself? You being the "social butterfly" and all, maybe it's time for you to start something...that way you know that you would stick to it and everyone else will have something to come to. Five groups to dissolve is A LOT!!! I think God is trying to tell you something.

If I were you, I would really settle down and ask God if all of the moving around you are doing is his pace...his will...his plan for you. A lot of times we are moving here and there and honestly there is nothing wrong with it however it's like what Paul said in Romans...All things are lawful, but not expedient. In other words, they are good things to do, but are they the right thing for you to be doing. God may be trying to settle you down so that he can do a new work in your life.

These are just my thoughts...

[chica4christ 0]

Thanks Cholette. I was going to sign up to help in childrens ministry for the summer but that hasn't panned out either (sigh) :huh2: Because I realized I was gone a lot in May and this month too. So not going to be possible after all> Thats the other thing, I feel as though i have a STRONG calling to work with young people, particularury high school or college age but I dont feel strongly about working in ministry in my church per se but I have been able to be a spiritual mentor if you will to a college student and my roommate that is currently in college.

I love the teaching, the people and my pastor and I've been there for already 2 yrs and I have yet to serve but God hasn't burdened me with anything either. And so I continue on and pressing forward.

[chica4christ 0]

So next week I'm going to start attending another small group and I pray this one will last for a while!!!

[Desiree (Starpop) 1]

Cholette has a good idea there!!!

I wholeheartedly believe in being "settled" so that things can start to take root. You need that strong foundation. Things may not feel comfortable at first but that may just be where God wants you to be. One question: do you think its beneficial for you to be apart of alot of things? I know you're well rounded and a social butterfly as you've said, but as Cholette also said, just because its something to do doesn't mean its beneficial. You just don't want to be "busy" but you want to be productive in what you're doing. Get what I'm saying?

peace and blessings
desiree

[Virtuous 0]

It seems to me that you have a passion for what you're trying to do but it also seem that you're trying to do it in your own strength. Everything you're wanting to commit to looks and sounds good on the surface, but if GOD is not orchestrating it, you're setting yourself up for less than what He wants from you.

I can't mention the name and author of one of the books I just read because of the rules of this site, but it speaks about doing what you know God wants you to do without God. God will honor your willingness to do His will but He can only go so far because of what His word says. We have to know God's plan for our lives, allow His purpose to be revealed to us and then pursue after HIS plan and HIS purpose...HIS way. That is very important. That is order.

Sweetie, I can tell by your writing that you have a heart for what you're doing. Make sure you listen only to God on how to bring what your heart is desiring to accomplish.

And I strongly agree with Cholette and Desiree. Get settled and stable. If you get too busy doing things, you can't be still enough or long enough to hear God guiding and directing your path.

Don't get weary...Get settled because the foundation Desiree is talking about is the ulimate beginning.

[chica4christ 0]

I'm going to pray because settling seems like it will be difficult for me as I began my 6th group this week!! I'm nervous and scared honestly to committ :( after being let down so much.

I feel from grace this weekend AGAIN because of my lack of accountability or having a mentor... I wont go into details but my weakness since the divorce has been my sexuality and I can't seem to shake it off. :blushing: and it seems like its a day or 2 before I repent and move on. I know to repent means to do a 180 (to turn away from) and yet I find myself returning to the dogs vomit :duhh: and her I am starting from square number one. I have been attacked by the enemy so much in the last month that I thought I would have a nervous breakdown at some point and its been mainly financial but also spiritual BIG time.

So, I pray that I wont have my walls up to the sky with this small group and that I can invite, be open and let them into my world. I need to cut/axe the roots of the same sins I keep struggling with because obviously I keep falling into the same ones over and over.

Case and point, I NEED community and for the last year I feel so guilty and horrible at times for talking more about my faith than actually living it out, like a pharisee almost :sarcastic: and this is how i feel the enemy is with me every time I fall.


PLEASE pray for me when you remember, for Stephani in Austin, Tx... Only GOd knows what I need to be healed and delivered from this sin that captivates and holds me bondage in my own right.


I waited patiently for the Lord to help me, and he turned to me and heard my cry.


~ Psalm 40:1, NLT


I dont want to go through the motions......

[Virtuous 0]

Sounds like me and those darn cigarettes. I just finished talking about this yesterday with someone I have a lot of respect for (spiritually). I can relate to everything you've said and your feelings behind your actions. I feel the same way everytime I yield to my own fleshly desires of smoking.

Sometimes I'm too afraid to repent because I don't want to keep asking God to forgive me for something I like doing. I've gone over and over again in my head how I can accept God delivering me from something I like doing. I heard Bishop Paul Morton speak and he was talking about the mind...It's a mind thing. I try to remember the scripture that says, "Let this mind be in you (I always say "me"), that was also in Christ Jesus". Sometimes it works, and sometimes it doesn't. When it doesn't, it's because I allow the flesh to overpower the spirit in me.

I will tell you this though. I am about to step down from leadership. I'm on the Praise & Worship team. I can not keep doing this and be in leadership. It's all or nothing...one or the other. God IS NOT pleased with me. I feel in my heart He'd rather I sit down than to get up before Him with impurities in my life. Yes, part of my ministry He has called me in is praise and worship. But He is not going to tolerate the sin in my life.

I've heard some say smoking cigarettes is not a sin. Yes it is and I'm doing it. I am defiling my body with them and God is not pleased. It is breaking my heart to keep disappointing God with this. I know better and yet and still I'm being hard-headed. Even as I write this the tears are flowing . I know better. God is not going to keep allowing me to struggle with this...I know He's not. But until I can say no to the flesh and yes to the spirit, I can not operate in the gifts He has placed on my life.

I haven't bought cigarettes in two weeks, but I have been smoking them....

I'll be back...this is soooooo hard for me.

[True Flight 0]

Virtuous, I wont be able to say this in a soft way. I'm not that good with words. But I don't mean to sound hard.
You would be wrong to step down. You are listening to the enemy and you plan on letting him win, by using the excuse that your not pure before the Lord.
That is so hypocritical I don't even know where to begin.
You are not Jesus! When do you think you will ever be out of sin so you can serve the Lord?
Why is smoking a greater sin then just the occasional bad thought that goes through your head?

God gave you a gift and the opportunity to serve him, so do it.

If we all stepped down because of sin, Who would be in the ministry?

God hasn't delivered you of smoking?
Could it be, because our struggles make us strong?

Disappointing God would be to step down from where he put you.

I could go on, but you get what I,m trying to say.

[Virtuous 0]

True Flight, thanks for your response. I didn't take it as being hard.

I think the fact that being in a leadership role means I should hold a standard of purity. I think it is very hypocritical of me to stand before the congregation ushering in the presence of the Lord knowing what I do. I think it's time to either turn from smoking or get out of the way until I can.

I'm not saying smoking is a greater sin than anything else...sin is sin. Bad thoughts going through my head is not sin...acting upon them is the sin.

Trust me, stepping down is the last thing I want to do because I LOVE it. But I have a conviction about it and that within itself is cause to either stop it right now, or step down.

Don't get me wrong, I'm going to speak with my Pastor about it and tell her everything. If she agrees that I should step down, then that's what I will do.

I completely understand what you're saying. Would it make a difference if I was in leadership and fornicating? Should I step down then? When is it appropriate for someone in leadership to step down?

I just don't know. You have given me something to consider and I promise you I will be praying about it and I will still speak to my Pastor concerning this.

[True Flight 0]

God gives us due process, He will remove those that need it.
If he has given you conviction that is a good thing.
I understand you would rather step down then be removed by the Lord himself, but I don't feel this is his intention.

My response is when a leader isn't bringing lost souls to the kingdom, it is time to step down.

Just one soul is so precious.

It is a good thing that you strive to be like Jesus.

I game out of a legalistic church, so its kind of a sore spot for me. You just cant hold people to those standards. People fall away because of it and they just say that was meant to be.
Sounds like Carma, and that is a bad religion no mater what you wrap it in.

[Dove-Solutions 0]

Oh thank you for saying that True Flight. Let me explain. I am a Ladies Minister and have been for 10 years. We all come to the table with baggage. We all fall short of God's glory and will continue to fall short for the remainder of our life here. Paul said that the very thing he prayed to be delivered from is the very thing he committed. I did it also. I smoked and the enemy used that against me many times because I allowed him to use it against me. Grace gets us to the cross but is also what carries us after the cross. We are a work in progress....He isn't finished making us yet. If we wait for when we are perfected in Him we will miss the boat entirely and be with Him in paradise because in the earthly body we are never ready. Just step out in faith and do the work He has called you to do and the rest will come when He knows you are ready. You see He never gives us more that we can handle and never before we are ready.

Love in Jesus,

Connie

[Cholette 0]

OHHHHHH MY!! My heart runneth over right now.

First of all...I WHOLEHEARTEDLY agree with TrueFlight and Connie!

Chica4Christ...girl...I can read in between the lines and believe me, I have struggled as well and I want to share with you what God has been teaching me for the past few years...THERE IS NOW NO CONDEMNATION FOR THOSE WHO ARE IN CHRIST JESUS!!!! This is the devils BIGGEST attack on the body of Christ. If he can trick you into believing that God is mad at you or what you did is unpardonable to the point where you delay going to Him, then he can tear you down mentally. Our sins have ALREADY been imputed upon Jesus Christ...thats why we don't have to walk around condemned from the things we have done. There is NOTHING that can separate you from the Love of God...NOTHING! When you understand and KNOW your position in Him (Righteous) then you will find it easier to NOT do the things that you have been struggling with. The topic of righteousness is HUGE. We throw that word around, but we REALLY don't know what it means. We were MADE righteous because of Jesus Christ and NOTHING that we do can take that position away...no sin...not anything. Part of what Grace is...its being blessed and accepted by God when we do NOT deserve to be. He is a loving God...He doesn't change...nothing you can do can make him be mad at you. He is MERCIFUL!!!! Go to God and let Him love on You...he's waiting.

Virtuous...DON'T DO IT GIRL!!!! All that I said to Chica4Christ stands true for you as well. There are liars, fornicators, adulterers, discord sowers, etc, etc, etc who sing. Your gift(s) from God are without repentance. When he gave you that gift to sing, don't you know he knew you would have a problem with smoking? Of course he did. He could have said "no, I won't give that to her because she's going to be a smoker" Instead...KNOWING that you would struggle, he trusted you with that gift. YOU ARE THE RIGHTEOUSNESS OF GOD!!!!!! That is all God sees. Your "stuff" is in the sea of forgetfulness. What are you gonna do...wait until you stop smoking before singing again? Don't you know that the devil will go bananas on that habit so you WON'T go back? Come on...let the worship that comes out of your mouth aid in your deliverance. Girl, if I could TELL YOU what I struggle with I could make your head spin...but I understand that I am a worshipper and since I've been back on the praise team, God has taken me to another level. Why would he do that knowing my issues? Because He loves me and because he has given me an assignment that I must complete!!!! I can tell you that the biggest area that I struggle with has been subsiding because I remind myself when I struggle with it who I am and that I don't have to obey my flesh anymore. TO GOD BE THE GLORY!!!!!

Come on...let's put these vices at the feet of Jesus and move on in the assignments that He has given us. Chica4Christ...be careful in sharing your information with your new group. Discern who they are FIRST because you don't want an unrenewed mind to condemn you even more than what you have felt...ok?

Whew!!! Thank you Jesus...you are WORTHY to be praised!! :PTL:

[Virtuous 0]

Thank you for your responses. Like I said before, you have given me a lot to consider. I just want to do the right thing. Being hypocrital is the LAST thing I want to be. I do want to live a life worthy of the call God has placed on my life and I don't want to disappoint God and I certainly don't want to miss Him.

[Cholette 0]

Virtous...Being a hypocrite is a heart thing. YOU WANT CHANGE!! There are some that don't and who walk around and fake it. You aren't faking it...you are before God with your issue...that makes you REAL!!!

[Virtuous 0]

Virtuous...DON'T DO IT GIRL!!!! All that I said to Chica4Christ stands true for you as well. There are liars, fornicators, adulterers, discord sowers, etc, etc, etc who sing. Your gift(s) from God are without repentance. When he gave you that gift to sing, don't you know he knew you would have a problem with smoking? Of course he did. He could have said "no, I won't give that to her because she's going to be a smoker" Instead...KNOWING that you would struggle, he trusted you with that gift. YOU ARE THE RIGHTEOUSNESS OF GOD!!!!!! That is all God sees. Your "stuff" is in the sea of forgetfulness. What are you gonna do...wait until you stop smoking before singing again? Don't you know that the devil will go bananas on that habit so you WON'T go back? Come on...let the worship that comes out of your mouth aid in your deliverance. Girl, if I could TELL YOU what I struggle with I could make your head spin...but I understand that I am a worshipper and since I've been back on the praise team, God has taken me to another level. Why would he do that knowing my issues? Because He loves me and because he has given me an assignment that I must complete!!!! I can tell you that the biggest area that I struggle with has been subsiding because I remind myself when I struggle with it who I am and that I don't have to obey my flesh anymore. TO GOD BE THE GLORY!!!!!

Cholette, you are NOT going to believe this! When I first logged back in to read the last post (it was from Dove-Solutions at the time) I added a response. This is the very thought that came to mind as I clicked send, "From one worshipper to another...I sure would like to know what Cholette thinks about this."

Thank you girl...thank you!!!!!!!!

[Desiree (Starpop) 1]

MY MY MY....I feel like shouting!!! Seriously, this is some good word!! We can't allow Satan to make us feel like we're "not close to God" or "unworthy"--as Cholette mentioned, that's his tactics at work!!

Be blessed you guys and keep living for God nomatter what! AS PAUL SAYS: PRESS!!!! (which pressin aint easy by no means but you know what you're goal is!)

desiree

[chica4christ 0]

Blessings Cholette :) thanks for your words of encouragement...

I am doing a lot better than yesterday or the day before.

[Virtuous 0]

Well, I guess I can take a little comfort in the fact that I haven't actually bought any in a few weeks...so I guess that's a start, huh? It still doesn't erase the fact that I have family and friends who smoke and I'll bum one off of them.

I still feel the need to talk with my Pastor about this...so we'll just see what happens.

chica4christ, I pray that we both, as well as others, find the strength we need to overcome our stuggles!

[True Flight 0]

I,m lifted by what has been posted, some good stuff here.
I feel like I have been watered.

As long as we have the attention of some worshipers.
I would like to thank you for what you do.
You are true warriors.
You stand on the front lines week after week.
You stand in defence
You move forward on attack
You usher in the presence of God
You roll out the red carpet for our Lord
You bring the presence of the Lord into our lives
You are the true warriors of God

Thank You, for all you do.

[Cholette 0]

Awwww True Flight...thank you!!!!

Chica4Christ and Virtuous...To God be the Glory...I'm glad you were encouraged!!!!!!

[Desiree (Starpop) 1]

True flight

I think I speak for others when I say you are valuable here!! THANKS FOR BEING YOU!

desiree

[lola21st 2]

That' so funny...I echo what True Flight posted above and that's why I came back to this thread...I just had to say how much I love this site community! Earlier when I was reading through the thread I felt (and smelled) the love of Christ and the anointing, it's so strong here! I just felt so joyful and blessed, everyone is so supportive and encouraging! :coolyoh: I felt life, healing, restoration and hope in this place! Bless the Lord!! :PTL:

I love you all very much!! :bighug: Everyone, keep doing you in Christ so that God is glorified like He was today!!

Blessings,

Lurdys

P.S. Cholette - Girrl, you learned how to eat that fruit whole, huh? You have moved from peaches to melons! I love your encouraging word! Preach on, Sister!

[dreamster 0]

yeah joycebaby,,, :cute: :cute: um lurdy wat does love smell like??? :crazy: :snicker: :

[lola21st 2]

actually, I believe it's the anointing that I smell (sorry, I didn't write that clearly) - hard to describe but sweet/smoky/spicy/musty/woodsy all at the same time...I often smell it when on this site...

[dreamster 0]

thats amazin,,i'll keepa nose out 4 that,,i was thinkin more bbq.... t u lurdy

[lola21st 2]

ok, I'm not going to mention what I'm smelling now....

[dreamster 0]

ohh lordy lurdy u sooo :funtease: me.. :thankyou:

[Dove-Solutions 0]

To God be the Glory and the Honor. I thank you Lord that your message was well received!

your servant,

connie