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Angelwings

How can this be?

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I'm having a hard time with an issue I have with a very close relative. This person is a drug addict on Fridays and Saturdays and a man of faith on Sunday thru Thursday. I can't stand it!! And because I know the truth about this person...I have been cut out of his life. He deleted me as his Facebook friend. He started condemning me for a comment I made on my page, which he totally took out of context, and started preaching to me. I responded by telling him he did not need to quote scriptures because I know the bible and what it says. He was offended and told me I needed to get off my high horse because he was just trying to give me an encouraging word. Not so..because my comment was not an implication that I needed any kind of encouragement. He read it wrong...cause he was high. He said a whole bunch of other stuff that I brushed off as nonsense because, unfortunately, I know that he is high when he TRIES to preach to you on Facebook. I know this person very well, and I know his habits.

I am always asking the Lord to help me love this person. But this person continues to live this life, this big fat lie....and continues to throw me under the bus by claiming that I am judgmental, I have a critical spirit, and that the enemy is using me to bring him down. I just don't get it! It makes me sick and mad at Satan because this is his doing. There is a spirit of division that has been assigned to break apart my family.
I see his Facebook activity and he continues to preach the gospel.....but I know the truth. I'm not the only one either. There are a few other family members, pretty much the whole family, and we know the truth, and he has cut us all out of his life by telling us we are all on a spiritual high horse.

So how can this be? Do I stop trying to reach out to this person? It's going on 4 years that he's lived his life this way. How much longer can this go on? Only the Lord knows, I'm really not asking....just making a statement here.

I have stopped all family visits...even on holidays because of this. There is way too much drama and chaos at my family gatherings. I can't do it!
But my hurt is for my children that they are being deprived of memories that they should be making with family. But I refuse to expose them to that life style. I grew up with a drug addict and alcoholic in my home and it was traumatizing.

crying praying

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You said that some of the other family members know right?? Have you guys ever thought of doing an intervention? Are they in support of you not wanting your kids around this environment??

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Just my thoughts...please know I can relate a bit to you with the drugs and addictions in the family...it does stink to not be able to bring my kids around my family as much as I would want to because of it. Please know my heartfelt prayers are with you....

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Hi Angelwings,

I think you are absolutely right in keeping your distance. Your kids would probably rather have few family memories than bad family memories.

I am going through a similar situation. I have a friend that has been having an affair with a married man for four years. I listen to her tell him she loves him over the phone and talk badly about his wife. I have lovingly told her that this is wrong MANY, MANY times. She has also heard this from other people. She claims to be a Christian but there is absolutley no fruit. When I have gotten strongly vocal lately, she tells me I don't know the whole story and she justifies the affair. Recently, I cut her out of my life because there have been many times as well when I have said nothing because I don't like confrontation. But if I am shut down when I do say something to her, I can't have her in my life. To say nothing to her is to condone her behavior. If she is repentant however, I would gladly welcome her back as my friend. But for now, I just can't do it. So, I do not think you are wrong in your stance either.

Hope this helps

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yes Daisy, we have done an intervention. We have done a lot for this person, A LOT! And some of them do support my decision....they are also christians. I appreciate your prayers as well, thank you.

And Shan, I agree. I never thought it would get to the point where I was the one cut out of their life. but thats the way it is.

I've shared my feelings to this person a few times. Heartfelt feelings....with tears, but its like talking to a wall. I just dont understand it. I pains me to see him get all preachy on Facebook and people applaud him for it..not knowing the truth.Its so deceitful!!

Anyway, I could use the prayers. Thanksgiving was the LAST holiday we would actually attempt to spend with family. I've come to the decision today that I will not traveling out of town to spend this time with family. Its hurtful...but I'm looking forward to have an intimate turkey dinner with my hubby and kids....Drama Free!

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bandaid hi wings,, thats a tuffy, bandaid but i think at this stage u need 2 wiv draw,,ur relative is too damageing 2 u an ur family,, ther will only be casultys, mi limited expewriance wiv drug/drink addicts is that they r always rite soapbox :blah: :blah: an everyone else is wrong, :hairraising: ,,u need drama free more than miserable dysfunctional memories, duh duh sumtimes u jus gotta draw a line in da sand, scratching chin ,,,,,,,,,,,,,, sweet dreams 2 D,,, often at da beach, shocked

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expewriance wiv drug/drink addicts is that they r always rite soapbox :blah: :blah: an everyone else is wrong, :hairraising:


yes...this is what I'm experiencing. And your right..its time for me to draw the line. Last thanksgiving was the last straw for me!! But I think it will really make a statement that we are NOT going to be around family this time around. It stinks for everyone else...its like this ONE person ruins it for everyone. I already have a sense of relief knowing I've made my decision. But at the same time its sooooo heartbreaking.
thank you D....I guess I needed to hear that my decision is the right one. Looks like we are heading to the beach!!!!

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Hi Wings,

I'm praying for you and your family. I too grew up with a drug addict and I put alot of distance between us as well so I truly understand what you're going through. What I've learned over the years is that my words are falling on deaf ears so I pray that the Lord heals her, deliver her from the addiction and send the perfect labor to minister the Word to her.

I may not be the one who could "reach" her but praying that God sends the right person to minister the right Word gives me confidence in believing she'll be healed! :glory:

It is a tough situation and it's heartwrenching! I'm truly praying for you!

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jjp708 wrote:
Hi Wings,

I'm praying for you and your family. I too grew up with a drug addict and I put alot of distance between us as well so I truly understand what you're going through. What I've learned over the years is that my words are falling on deaf ears so I pray that the Lord heals her, deliver her from the addiction and send the perfect labor to minister the Word to her.

I may not be the one who could "reach" her but praying that God sends the right person to minister the right Word gives me confidence in believing she'll be healed! :glory:

It is a tough situation and it's heartwrenching! I'm truly praying for you!


Its good to hear from others who understand, thank you so much huggins

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Please be encouraged to continue to pray for you family, even when it seems that nothing is changing. I'm here anytime you want to talk. Just PM me. :kissyface:

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jjp708 wrote:
Please be encouraged to continue to pray for you family, even when it seems that nothing is changing. I'm here anytime you want to talk. Just PM me. :kissyface:


awe thats sweet, thnk you

I've committed myself to praying for my family!

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Keep us posted as God moves on this situation! I really look forward to a breakthrough on this for you...

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Daisy wrote:
Keep us posted as God moves on this situation! I really look forward to a breakthrough on this for you...


Amen,will do!

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I wanted to reply to Shan's post. The bible talks very plainly about not associating with believers who are bearing fruit that contradicts their life in Christ:


I Cor. 5:11
But now I have written unto you not to keep company, if any man that is called a brother be a fornicator, or covetous, or an idolater, or a railer, or a drunkard, or an extortioner; with such an one no not to eat.

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Yes Mia, you are so right! Thanks for the reminder. It is very difficult for me to cut people out of my life because I tend to feel guilty even though I've done the right thing.

Shan

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I can so sympathize with your situation. I have had to distance myself from my family. It breaks my heart....but it had to be done. I so wanted to maintain a relationship with them but they drag me down when I visit them. I had to separate myself from them to insure I did not become like them. I treasure family and that was one of the biggest sacrifices I made unto the Lord. I know that he is working on them but until they change I cannot be there. I have to love and pray for them from a distance.

Praying for you and them,

Love in Jesus,

Connie

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Dove-Solutions wrote:
I can so sympathize with your situation. I have had to distance myself from my family. It breaks my heart....but it had to be done. I so wanted to maintain a relationship with them but they drag me down when I visit them. I had to separate myself from them to insure I did not become like them. I treasure family and that was one of the biggest sacrifices I made unto the Lord. I know that he is working on them but until they change I cannot be there. I have to love and pray for them from a distance.

Praying for you and them,

Love in Jesus,

Connie


I can totally relate to this.

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Yes, Connie. I know what you mean. I am a helper by nature and it is hard to walk away. I'm sure it's even more difficult with family.

Shan

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Mia Sherwood wrote:
I wanted to reply to Shan's post. The bible talks very plainly about not associating with believers who are bearing fruit that contradicts their life in Christ:


I Cor. 5:11
But now I have written unto you not to keep company, if any man that is called a brother be a fornicator, or covetous, or an idolater, or a railer, or a drunkard, or an extortioner; with such an one no not to eat.


I've been studying this chapter Mia...actually chapters 4-6!! And it's been blessing me because my heart aches so much for my family and the distance I have to put between us. I know NOW my choice is the right choice...and I don't have to feel guilty about it. Especially when I know that a few family members speak ill of me because of the distance I've put.

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Dove-Solutions wrote:
I can so sympathize with your situation. I have had to distance myself from my family. It breaks my heart....but it had to be done. I so wanted to maintain a relationship with them but they drag me down when I visit them. I had to separate myself from them to insure I did not become like them. I treasure family and that was one of the biggest sacrifices I made unto the Lord. I know that he is working on them but until they change I cannot be there. I have to love and pray for them from a distance.

Praying for you and them,

Love in Jesus,

Connie


thank you! I pray for you as well. I'm glad there are people who understand where I'm coming from. I do find my love for them is real when I distance myself. When I am submerged in THEIR world....I become resentful and angry....and I feel hatred toward them. I DON'T like feeling that way.
But then I have christian relatives who tell me that its NOT Christ like to turn my back on them. That I should reach out and show them love. But I can't do that. I feel I can only love them from a distance and I just wish people would respect my choice.
Is that wrong? I've been told I need to get of my spiritual high horse....but I don't except those words.
what's amazing is I have a husband who is not saved....and he is the most supportive and understanding person I have in my life who has a lot of respect for me!!

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Angelwings wrote:
I do find my love for them is real when I distance myself. When I am submerged in THEIR world....I become resentful and angry....and I feel hatred toward them. I DON'T like feeling that way.
But then I have christian relatives who tell me that its NOT Christ like to turn my back on them.


AW,

I think one of the reasons that we are not to be exposed to that kind of thing is that unhealthy environments effect us negatively. It's like trying to get into a pool without getting wet. You can't do it. If God asks us to visit someone with a special person we should be open to that because He will anoint us and shield us from it but otherwise do what the bible says and don't sit with scorners, etc.

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I wanted to add something too... This behavior is VERY typical of addicts. They will say and do things to make you feel like YOU are the crazy one...ANYTHING to justify what they are doing. It is sin and they love it too much to give it up..the devil has a strategy! My husband was addicted to alcohol but the Lord delivered him! Praise God!! Today we were talking about addictions and this verse came up in my Spirit, along with a word.

John 13:5 Then He poured water into the washbasin and began to wash the disciples' feet and to wipe them with the [servant's] towel with which He was girded.

6When He came to Simon Peter, [Peter] said to Him, Lord, are my feet to be washed by You? [Is it for You to wash my feet?]

7Jesus said to him, You do not understand now what I am doing, but you will understand later on.

8Peter said to Him, You shall never wash my feet! Jesus answered him, Unless I wash you, you have no part with ([b]in) Me [you have no share in companionship with Me].

9Simon Peter said to Him, Lord, [wash] not only my feet, but my hands and my head too!

10Jesus said to him, Anyone who has bathed needs only to wash his feet, but is clean all over. And you [My disciples] are clean, but not all of you.

11For He knew who was going to betray Him; that was the reason He said, Not all of you are clean.

12So when He had finished washing their feet and had put on His garments and had sat down again, He said to them, Do you understand what I have done to you?

13You call Me the Teacher (Master) and the Lord, and you are right in doing so, for that is what I am.

14If I then, your Lord and Teacher (Master), have washed your feet, you ought [it is your duty, you are under obligation, you owe it] to wash one another's feet.

15For I have given you this as an example, so that you should do [in your turn] what I have done to you.

I had been telling my husband that during his time of addiction, he needed his feet washed! LOL but you know what? If you've told someone time and time again you'll wash their feet for them, and they refuse cause their too blind to see their feet are caked in mud, then all we can do is pray for them.

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OH and sometimes Jesus has to wash the person's eyes in MUD before they can actually see their circumstance!! My husband could tell you all about that dirty mud! LOL cause after Jesus showed him some things, he could see dirt all over his feet, if you know what I mean!!!

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Oh and having your eyes covered in mud hurts..like sometimes we have to go through a big hot mess before we're delivered.. That's what I meant about my hubby being able to tell you all about that dirty mud in his eyes..OOOH man!!! But PRAISE GOD HE CAN SEE!! LOL Ok i'll stop now! :blah:

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Angelwings wrote:


thank you! I pray for you as well. I'm glad there are people who understand where I'm coming from. I do find my love for them is real when I distance myself. When I am submerged in THEIR world....I become resentful and angry....and I feel hatred toward them. I DON'T like feeling that way.
But then I have christian relatives who tell me that its NOT Christ like to turn my back on them. That I should reach out and show them love. But I can't do that. I feel I can only love them from a distance and I just wish people would respect my choice.
Is that wrong? I've been told I need to get of my spiritual high horse....but I don't except those words.
what's amazing is I have a husband who is not saved....and he is the most supportive and understanding person I have in my life who has a lot of respect for me!!
I can so UNDERSTAND how you feel on this one for sure! Good thing God knows our hearts, and He is the only one we have to please. He is the also the only one who we have to stand accountable to, and He expects us to keep our hearts clean from the clutter that could come from being around toxic people (unless The Spirit leads or God specially anoints us to be around them like mia said). I remind myself of this, when my people pleasing comes out and I feel bad for not making everyone happy. lol! There are many times I wish my decisions would be respected as well! I don't expect everyone to always agree with me, I wish some people in my life could be able to agree to disagree, and let my decision be my decision without trying to change my mind on something I feel strongly about. Ya know??? laugh

Thank Goodness your husband is such a great support to you! :praiseg-d:

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Sorry ladies for not responding sooner...been super busy!

Yes Daisy I totally understand what you mean by wishing some would agree to disagree..WOW, so true!

Daphane I love all your :blah: :blah: :blah: LOL
Thanks for sharing those scriptures....I never read it and applied it the way you have with your husbands testimony. thats awesome! PTL

And thank you Mia, I feel so blessed by everyone's thoughts on this post. Its been confirmation for me because I know in my heart its the right thing to do but struggled with it.
huggins

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Hi, Angelwings

Well this can be so difficult can't it? I can totally relate and these are the issues I struggle with the most in my Christian walk as I was not raised in a Christian family and have many people like this associated with my family. Let me just quote this and tell you what the Lord is impressing on my heart lately in regards to this:

2 Timothy 3

1This know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come.
2For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy,
3Without natural affection, trucebreakers, false accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good,
4Traitors, heady, highminded, lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God;
5Having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof: from such turn away.


It is very clear the Lord wants us to "turn away" from these people. Yes..literally turn our backs on them. We can still love them and pray from them but it does not mean we should be involved with them in any consistent way. I have cut loose some really long time friends and I admit I feel bad about it...but do we want to please people or the Lord?? Having said that, I know it is easier said than done as I told you I struggle with it still. Just my two cents. God Bless You!

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Remember the Lord says: "Whoever seeks to keep his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life will preserve it. Luke 17:33. This not only applies to their spiritual life but also the carnal. The Lord wants us to walk away from evil and live for Him. He also says: "Whoever does not receive you, nor heed your words, as you go out of that house or that city, shake the dust off your feet. Matthew 10:14. This applies to us and those that we have preached to, even our families. I pray this is an encouragement to you. I had to go home last year for a funeral in my family and the Lord specifically asked me to do an altar call when I finished the service of the funeral. I did what he asked and had no takers....this message immediately came to mind. You see they believe enough to ask my to officiate the service but not for anything else. You know sometimes we have to love them enough to entrust them into the care of the Father. This is a difficult task and I had trouble letting go for a long time. I now pray for them daily. I call them by name. I pray they have a change of heart before it is to late. I however have to stay my distance. It is a tough thing to do. I do it for him so I don't get in the way and so that I will not become like them.

Love in Jesus,

Connie

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Dove-Solutions wrote:
Remember the Lord says: "Whoever seeks to keep his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life will preserve it. Luke 17:33. This not only applies to their spiritual life but also the carnal. The Lord wants us to walk away from evil and live for Him. He also says: "Whoever does not receive you, nor heed your words, as you go out of that house or that city, shake the dust off your feet. Matthew 10:14. This applies to us and those that we have preached to, even our families. I pray this is an encouragement to you. I had to go home last year for a funeral in my family and the Lord specifically asked me to do an altar call when I finished the service of the funeral. I did what he asked and had no takers....this message immediately came to mind. You see they believe enough to ask my to officiate the service but not for anything else. You know sometimes we have to love them enough to entrust them into the care of the Father. This is a difficult task and I had trouble letting go for a long time. I now pray for them daily. I call them by name. I pray they have a change of heart before it is to late. I however have to stay my distance. It is a tough thing to do. I do it for him so I don't get in the way and so that I will not become like them.

Love in Jesus,

Connie


that is so encouraging to hear! It has been tough....but I have been feeling at peace with having to do this. thank you all so very much for chiming in and sharing your thoughts...it truly has been a blessing for me to hear from you all.

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