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i want to understand something for these past 4 1/2 years...whenever i've been given a word, something bad/annoying/aggrivating happens shortly after, usually in the form of my dad doing something to rile me up. why is that? is there a way to make it stop? i mean i'll get this lovely Word from God but it then almost gets trampled and forgotten the very next day because my dad will bother me badly and it's like the Word loses its encouraging power. i'm tired of this happening.

STILL nothing i go to check my email everyday and find that my inbox is empty i'm FRIGHTENED of checking my email now for this very reason God doesn't have the right to do this God doesn't have the right to restrict me from doing ANY job that i want to jesus christ, how can God complain that i'm being slothful and not doing anything only to turn around and cause annoying little complications when i finally DO start making the effort to DO something? that's so ironic and lame

well i got one response back now. the main thing is, i'm worried about what i'll be able to contribute to such missions. i don't know what my gifts/talents are.

back in 2007, when i was still in Air Force basic training...i remember telling God that IF He got me out of there, i would quit Pornography and such. however, when i got back home, i didn't do as i said i would. i don't know if that was an official "Vow" i made or not. i don't know...i just see how EVERY little thing i do is NOT working out. that makes me forced to wonder about stuff like this.

Okay...here's just one more example of my frustration. I've been emailing around to various people/Churches about me possibly joining them on any Mission Trips available. I sent like 10 emails at once yesterday and I enjoyed doing it. But today...NOT ONE of them has responded back to me! I'm upset. I'm freaking out. I'm worried that somehow, this isn't God's WILL for me.

Daisychan, you need to renew your mind here. satan is ONLY allowed the "advantage" over us that God allows. He can't do anything that God won't allow. it matters not whether your pray out loud or in your mind. God WANTS His children to pray out loud.

i'm not attacking anyone...sorry if i came off that way. i'm mad at the problem.

I just need this Peace Corps endeavor...or something very similar to work out. I need to get out and see the world and do something that isn't typical for me. Peace Corps or Christian Mission Trips are my priority now.

Yeah seriously, this NEEDS to happen, successfully. Because the past 120 hours have been just endless sin for me. I've been so angry, irritated, bored, then angry some more. I've been cussing without mercy. My parents' house is a toxic environment for me. My dad's presence just sets me off on tangents. So keep praying that God sees me out of this household.

Yes! I want people to pray about whether or not I should join the Peace Corps...or something very similar in nature...something that involves travel. I'm just saying that if there was any confusion still about what I've been ranting about all these years...this is one of those things...figuring out what I should DO with my life. Does God think I'm psychologically/Spiritually ready for something like this? The Peace Corps is a SECULAR organization afterall.

See? See what I'm dealing with now? Do you see it people?

i've been praying and wailing and thrashing so much for 4 1/2 years now about what i'm supposed to DO with my life. my dad just won't leave me alone. i need/want something to do anyway EVERYDAY...so why not do something that gets me out from under my dad's authority. pray that this is the right move for me or a wise move. my heart and flesh tell me this is the wisest decision i've ever made. but i haven't heard from God yet.

actually "free will" is an oxymoron. people make CHOICES based on what they WANT/what is in their hearts. every human being has a desire for something....they make their specific decisions because of that desire. all i'm saying is i'm 23 now...not 13...i want money, i want my own place, i don't want to do what my dad tells me to do anymore, i want to be fulfilled, i want my own version of social bliss.

well, i can't think of any personal vows i've made to the Lord. all i know is...this 116 i keep seeing is related to my current job/life actvity situation.

as i've shared multiple times now...in real life...almost everday...i see the number 116 in some fashion. and for the longest time, i and others have believed it is a reference to Psalm 116. i've read Psalm 116 but don't know how it correlates to this number i keep seeing. in Psalm 116...the write says "I will walk before the Lord in the land of the Living." the writer also says he will PAY HIS VOWS to the Lord in the presence of all His people. what does that mean? what VOWS?

God IS aware of the toll that years of pornography viewing combined with all the fleshy/carnal crap I've experienced over the past 4 1/2 years because of my dad has taken on my Spiritual side right? God knows that the first thing I think about when I wake up in the morning is either a Job or a Girlfriend right? If God wants that to change then only HE can change me.

need a Word. i know how to avoid fighting with my dad sometimes but not all the time. either way...i'm SICK of it...maybe i'm not sick of the fighting but rather what STARTS it. he always instigates it though with a condescending comment or some petty criticism of me or something i'm doing. the nature of these "fights/blowouts" are so sporadic. they make no sense. if i hold my feelings back...i perceive they could be avoided...sometimes...but not ALL the time. my dad has a problem. i don't even know what just happened, these "fights"...just...happen. if me and my dad are physically around each other...that's all the ingredients needed.

bumping

I'm faced with a dilemma here. I want a girlfriend...but not just ANY person...just the right person. I used to say "future spouse"...now I just call it *right person*. I'm literally have NO friends. This has KILLED my motivation to do anything else with my life as well. I'm TRYING to find a girlfriend now because that's what I WANT! But I get verses like "Be Anxious For Nothing..." thrown at me alot. Does that mean I'm NOT supposed to TRY and find someone nice to hang out with at the very least? Does that mean I HAVE to sit at home 24/7 being lonely and miserable? Which pleases God MORE...me TRYING to do something I want to do...or NOT doing anything at all?

James 1:2-4 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,[a] whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3 because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. 4 Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. You're NOT going to kill yourself. You're Born Again and saved right? God literally WON'T let you do that to yourself. You're only 16...is it school problems? Do you need to learn how to FORGIVE someone? Whatever it is...you WILL get through this.

yeah my dad needs to find another job so he can get an income again. we have so much stuff and pets and nowhere to go.

and what I'm trying to say is I don't have TIME to "sit still". my dad will NOT tolerate it. i HAVE to do something NOW...

This reminds me of the story in Luke 10, where Martha was busy serving, but Mary was sitting at the feet of Jesus. Martha was disturbed that Mary wasn't helping her so she asked Jesus did anyone care that she was doing all of the work. Jesus responded that Mary chose what was good...sitting at his feet and learning Him. I was actually given that in another thread in the Prophecy section a while back. But what I DON'T understand is...HOW does God expect me to "sit at his feet" when MY DAD just badgers me CONSTANTLY about DOING something. "sitting at the Lord's feet and learning from Him" AND appeasing my dad MUST be one and the same. And that's what I keep asking about... WHAT is that THING I could DO which would appease both God AND my dad? Since God wants me to OBEY my dad...but He also wants me to "sit at His feet..." what ACTIVITY/JOB does that translate into?

I realize that I must do SOMETHING FOR GOD. Why do you think I'm trying to go to a Christian College? Why do you think I want to get more involved with Church stuff? I'm just worried that I'm WRONG about these things and that God's actual will for me is to just go out and get some random job that I hate! I've ALREADY had enough of those in my opinion.

Dove Solutions, I ALREADY have an understanding of that. Am I WILLING? Yes. I've already "lost" much anyway... I'm unemployed, I have NO friends, and my dad badgers me daily. What I am trying to figure out is WHAT is God's PERSONAL solution to that? At the very least...what is God's solution to me being BORED and under my dad's Authority still?