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Everything posted by Jasmine

  1. I may not be going through the same thing you are, but I understand. I suffer greatly, too. However, I will have to say this: I believe in active faith. If you want something to happen that's never happened before, you might have to do something you've never done before. It doesn't have to be big, but you have to take some sort of action. Yes, you do have faith, but you have to take the first step.
  2. Okay. So, I recently got fired from a gig. The same day a male writer contacted me on Linkedin. I thought it was a God-send, but he ended up confessing to me that he wanted to hug and kiss me after I told him I was turning sixteen. I emailed him back, saying that I had bad experiences with older men and I would like that our friendship remain strictly professional. However, I was flattered. He hasn't responded. It's a shame because I really wanted to work with him. He is a professional writer and he was going to help me edit my script for free. Truth is he was interested in more ways than one. This isn't the only time. Last year, a 60-year-old man whom I trusted, come on to me. He and I were in the car and he kept rubbing my hand and caressing it. He kept insisting that I could do what I wanted because I was a fully-grown woman (i was 15). Then, he wanted to get out of the car a block away from my house to hug me. He also said he didn't want my mom to know how affectionate we were. A couple of months back, a 28-year-old man began flirting with me on the bus. I told him I was 15 and he continued. I gave him my number, cause I didn't want to be rude and he called me to ask me out. I declined saying I was too busy. He didn't call again. Also, there is this street vendor (probably as old as the last guy or older) that flirts with me. He calls me princess. He also said that maybe we will get married in the future. He thought I was in college. I told him I was only turning 16. He also said, I was not like any other person he's met. He saw my self-harm scars and was very concerned. He's sort of a devote muslim. I could be the only girl he's after. However, the Quran says a man can marry more than one woman. On the other had, I know he isn't very religious and muslims now a days get interested in girls for marriage, not booty calls. I know it cause my father is muslim. I didn't mind him, because he's cute. Moving on, now this man who contacted me on Linkedin. He's wanted to meet up since we started talking. I'm sick of being come onto and flirted with by men. I am not anyone's mistress (the 60-year-old man was married with children), I am not anyone's girlfriend (the 28-year-old obviously wanted a relationship), I am not anyone's future wife (you know what the muslim guy said), and I am not anyone's illegal affair (the last guy admitted he knew it was illegal and backed off). Truth be told, I really want a boyfriend. I want a relationship. I know I'm young, but I would really like solid assurance from God and a guy that I don't only attract perverts. I also know that there's really nothing wrong with me. I'm super mature, but I'm also overweight. Maybe that's why. The guys that are around me are too immature to realize I'm a good catch. I'm not very clingy. I'm not easy. I have the personality traits that most guys look for. What's the matter? Why is God keeping all the good catches away and letting all the old farts near me. I may not be a 100% mentally healthy but who is? I don't need a boyfriend. I need God. But I want one. I want affectionate, eros-type (greek for romantic love) love. That isn't too much to ask. I'm not allowed to date, now. But if all I can have with a guy is a close, platonic relationship, then I'll take it. It has to be someone who I meet in person first and someone who I can hang out with. Can you please pray for me and empathize with me? I am going to a new school in September, but I have to choose one first. I am hoping this guy will go to my school.
  3. Due to certain circumstances that is not an option.
  4. Try to find the root of the problem, otherwise you'll only be treating the symptoms. Could it be a generational curse?
  5. I understand how you feel. Before I go on, I just want to say that you have a valid reason to feel hateful. I've been there. I used to be very hateful of certain people and other things. To be honest, I still revel in the fact that my old enemy is on a much worse path then I am. I know that isn't the Christian thing to do, but God understands my weakness, and he understands yours. I'm not condoning it, because it's not right. However, what you feel is what you feel. You can't fight it with success. I found that out through DBT therapy. Anyway, ask yourself what is the opposite of hate. It's love, pure agape love. Where do you get pure agape love? From God. The way I combat my hate is through God's love. Ask him to let you see people the way he sees them. Also, ask God to fill you with his love. When I was first filled with his love, there was no room for hate. To this day, I still think I've lost the ability to hate. I can dislike, but it's still hard to do that. Speaking to your situation, life is tough.The Bible says that God makes it rain on the good and evil people. He also makes the sun shine on both. When bad things happen in our lives, it's not his discipline or punishment, because Jesus stood in our place for that, plus if we need correction, the Holy Spirit will convict us. It's not to teach us a lesson, the Holy Spirit is here to help us with that. The reason for suffering in this world is not clear. Yes, the world is fallen. Yes, God lets these thing happen. Yes, the devil is mostly responsible for our pain. But, pain has a purpose, Moving on, know that you are not alone. I have four mental/emotional disorders that I have been diagnosed with. I have been suffering pain since early childhood. I have been mistreated and my life is far from fair. Also know that just because your pain is not as bad as let's say a starving child in Africa, doesn't mean you don't need, help, attention, love, understanding, validating, etc. Don't listen to people who compare you to the less fortunate. They believe only what they can see and they can't empathize with pain they can't see. I don't believe it's good to even believe in comparing yourself to the less fortunate. I mean how would you feel if you heard people say or even know that they were thinking they're so much better of then you? I'm going off on a tangent. You want things to get better, you have to P.U.S.H. (pray until something happens). Even if something happens, keep praying. Also change your perspective (ask God for help with that, too), and don't let your joy be circumstantial. Let it be based off gratitude. Think of all the things God has done for you. If you can't think of any personal things, think of Jesus's sacrifice. On another note, what are the things you hate about Christianity?
  6. Do you know the root of the problem?
  7. For as long as I could remember, I would act out or be aggressive towards myself in order to make people realize that I have issues. I would self-destruct. I just got news from the board of education that I might be put back in a regular school. I was already in a regular school and got dismissed for continuous self-harm and suicidal ideation. If I get put back in regular school, I swear, I'm tearing things up. They have to put me in a therapeutic school. I can't handle regular school. I need to be educated in an environment where I feel safe and understood. If I can't be in a place like that I'll revert back to cutting. I don't want to. WHY CAN'T THIS SCREWED UP WORLD UNDERSTAND THAT EVEN IF I'M WELL-BEHAVED, I AM FACING HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  8. Actually you didn't. I don't remember you telling me his name so it doesn't matter.
  9. Thx, Martin. That was uplifting. I repented and turned back to God. I'm trying to make the best of everything. Thx for your help.
  10. I'll ask them how much they usually pay. Thx
  11. I am an amateur screenwriter and I am doing a 10-15 page screenplay for a small production company. This is my first time being paid and I have no idea on how much I should charge. Maybe a couple hundred dollars? Or maybe should I wait until they get profit and we share it?
  12. Thx. I repented so I hope I'm not angry with God anymore. I still feel a bit of hostility towards Him. I haven't been as good controlling my emotions.
  13. Yes, that's all wonderful but how? HOW? How do I do all the things you just said. No preacher bothers to tell me. And on top of that I'd like to know when this breakthrough will happen. When all my prayers, my worshiping, my crying out will just culminate together in God's ear and he can't take it anymore and he answers me! If I get that answer, well, it would mean everything. Maybe I would be more diligent in this thing we call searching for God. BTW: I watch Sid Roth too.
  14. I honestly don't know what to do anymore. My anger is going down however I don't want to get into God. I feel that if I do I won't get what I want. I just want to encounter God in a whole new way. In actuality I want God and to experience him in a supernatural way. But i don"t want to feel like I'm just worshiping, praying, crying out and all God is doing is inching closer little by little ever so slowly.
  15. /t19409-i-m-almost-done-with-god-and-his-crap-i-m-sick-of-waiting
  16. I'm not searching for God. I refuse. The first time I searched for God, got saved and I wasn't doing it consistently I wasn't even trying my best and in a year I got saved. Then, after my fall, I tried searching for him, I was so hungry for Him but I was so deep in my OCD for sex that nothing could be done until I started watching porn. The obsessive thoughts went away. I still tried to search for God and the porn was in the way. I became lukewarm again. Then I was searching for God again. I was worshiping. I was reading the word everyday. I was praying everyday. All of this for over an hour each day. Then sexual thoughts came back. I got off track for a week or less. Then the Pentecost service happened. Then today. Last time I was in the joy of God, I was 12. I'm turning 16 soon, In July actually. I may have not searched God with all that I am. but I didn't the first time and God came to my rescue. Why not this time?
  17. I used to spend time with him a lot. But even then I got a miniscule amount of him when i was just focusing on him. I don't know the difference in our lives for some reason you get the bread and I'm the house pet that gets the crumbs. I don't get it. Heck! I don't want to get it. I God loves me as much as he claims he does then he's gonna be the one to do something about it.
  18. I picked up that from life and maybe my mom. The church I go to is totally bible believing andfaith filled. I know what happens if I turn my back on him but he promised healing and he promised the holy spirit and he promised a lot but none of it has come to pass and I have been waiting for years always yearning for God but only getting a small sip once in a while. All i wanted to know is when and where. Now my question is why not.
  19. I was searching God for HIMSELF. I got a little of track for a week. I was expecting Pentecost service to be a pivotal day in my life. But whole day I was asking for healing and for the outpouring of his spirit on me. Five spirit-filled people pray for me, all telling me what I already know. But since nothing happened, I'm keeping up with my promise. God wouldn't turn his face to me. I'm turning my back on him. If he wants me. he's gotta walk through my bedroom door, or some equivalent. I know God loves me, I know God wants me as his, I know he wants his best for me, but he also let suffering be part of my life. I know there's a plan for my pain, but if God lets me suffer at the gain of other people, why stay? I have always felt pain. I'm used to feeling pain. I want to feel something different for a season, and I know that's not too much to ask. If was focused on God and nothing else, not even my healing, the outcome would've been the same. I'm done.
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