ADVICE NEEDED!!

[Jadams 0]

I was a bit ashamed to post this after spilling my guts about my situation...being newly single mother...on another forum, but I wanted some advice regarding a new gentleman that has sort of entered my life "out of the blue".

I went to the library with my two children and I met him there. He said he was a Christian man and my wall went up because I noticed him looking at the books I was checking out (Joyce Meyer books). I figured he was trying to be this "Christian" man to get my attention. We spoke for awhile and then he gave me his number. Right now I don't have a home phone or cell phone because I'm struggling financially so I told him I would call him.

I called him yesterday and we had a wonderful conversation. We both go to the same church. I go to a very large church in the Houston area and the one thing that you have to be careful of is, if a person wants someone to think they go to church, they use this church's name to appear "holy". When we spoke on the phone, I could tell he really did go to the church because he mentioned the names of people within the ministry that you could only know if you REALLY went there and served in the church.

So now, here I am...divorced for barely two years with a now 4 yr old, I illegally hooked up with someone else on the rebound...got pregnant and have an infant daugher, now her father is gone and now I meet this other guy. Could this be God? Could God be possibly sending someone my way? It seems too perfect and I just don't want to fall in another trap. When my ex-husband ran off with my best friend, I was devastated, but it also left me this scar and I don't think I trust men too much.

I'm asking all of your advice, but I think I just answered my own question, but I would like to hear from you anyway since I hardly ever start a post.

[dreamster 0]

um i wood be cautious,,take ur tme sweety,,develop a frendship,,first ,,then see wat develps.. D

[Cholette 0]

In my most humbled opinion, you are NOT ready for a relationship right now. You have two little ones that need your UNDIVIDED attention. Being a single mother is a total different ball game because people expect you to be two parents, but you can only be ONE and that's the mommy...

Don't get me wrong, I would LOVE for this guy to be for you, but sadly, I feel in my heart that it's another distraction for you. Why do I say that? You are still wounded...two men within two years walking away from their committments is a lot. Allow God to be that "person" you are looking for. Let Him love on you because you will NEVER know real love until you tap into HIS love for you. Remember what 1 John 4 says...we love BECAUSE He first loved us. Relax...get your life organized and get your job and finances in order so you can focus.

The best decision I made was NOT to date while my son was growing up. It's not that I planned it that way, but I really believe God did that so I could grow stronger in my relationship with Him. You need to do the same...

Love ya...and call a sista sometime...

[dreamster 0]

thats wisdom rite there,,im 2 soft,, D

[Desiree (Starpop) 1]

Hey its not joel osteens church is it?

no but seriously, I think you should take it slow. There's no rush. As Cholette says focus on your kids and especially getting yourself together so that you'll be great for a guy period! Let God continue to shape you and heal you completely. (I've been there so I can understand!)

Just remain friends and be open (dont prejudge him or think "could this be my husband? I'm preaching to myself now!) You never know what will happen! Stay focused!

we love you
desiree
p.s. never feel embarrassed.

[Guest Guest]

Do not allow the loneliness,the rejection or hate be the emotions directing your toughts right now.
If it is the Lord's it will prosper. Ask for the discerment in the spirit
that is what I would do.
Be aware that this valley season you are in..is temporaly beyond this one is your promise land all the good things the Lord wants to bless you with .
The Lord will give you at Home. you do Not need to rush, Seek the Lord with all your might and the rest it will be added.
The valleys season are a temporary thing. soon it will be changing all on your favor at a amazing speed,
But is in this season where you will have a Powerful Revelation from the Lord.
David in the valley of tears (Baca) lost it all. but he encourage himself in the Lord and he moved after the Lord reavealed with his approval.
Trust Jesus He is on your side. Do not Dismay The Lord will always give you the escape if you trust him.Let your heart to be heal , Allow Jesus to heal you in this season.
May the Lord Bless your Childrens and you.

[Virtuous 0]

Take your time Jimmie and don't rush into things. In time, he will either prove himself worthy of being the man of God who God has chosen to be your husband or he will prove himself to be a counterfeit.

I pray that God will reveal who this man is and his purpose for being in your life right now. I speak against the spirit of deception right now in the name of Jesus and I command every hidden thing that is connected with this man and his or the devil's motives be exposed in the name of Jesus!

We don't have time for any games and distractions!!!!!!!!!!

[Dove-Solutions 0]

I come into full agreement with Virtuous!

Love in Jesus,

Connie

[Jadams 0]

Desiree :zipit: I won't say which church lol!

Thank you everyone for your advice. I had a dream about him and I'm going to let him go. His conversation changed and its not the direction that I want to go in.

[lola21st 2]

Hi Jadams -

First, please don't ever feel ashamed to post, ok?...

I've walked down the road that you're on right now (spousal adultery, child out of wedlock, etc.) so I know some of the pain and distrust that you're feeling. When you state that you don't think you trust men too much, then to me that's a clear sign that you haven't completely healed yet. If God is involved, he's going to heal you of all that baggage first before he links you to someone else, so that you are positioned to be the wife that He needs you to be to the husband He chooses for you.

As a mother of two as well I have to agree with Cholette - make your kids your priority right now, they are your ministry for this season. I'm not saying that you shouldn't be friends with this man I've found that sometimes "friendships" can become a distraction between parents and kids and it's usually the kids that get neglected. It may be that God is bringing a Christian man into your midst to show you how one does operate, not necessarily so that you can be paired with him (at least not right now).

As for your kids, right now next to God YOU are their rock and their refuge. Especially for your four year old who may still be grieving your and your husband's split. My older son just turned 3 when his father and I split up and while he certainly didn't understand all the dynamics, it was clear that he went through his own grieving process on his terms. That's not to suggest that it is easy, but over the long term it's really for the best. Use this time to heal, get stable and become the woman that God has destined you to be so that you can be joined with the man that God has destined you to be if that's His will for your life. Along with 1 John 4, I would also like to leave you with two scriptures that have blessed me as I went through something similar:

Psalm 147:3 - He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.

Psalm 84:11 - For the LORD God is a sun and shield; the LORD bestows favor and honor; no good thing does he withhold from those whose walk is blameless.

[Jadams 0]

Thanks Lola (or is your name Lurdys...I get confused ). After FINALLY praying about the situation, I realized I'm not ready for a relationship. That's the thing about me...I will run to get the advice of others before running to the Lord. The moment I did go to him, he touched my crazy flesh that really wanted to sin (the real reason for wanting this guy to be for me) and immediately showed me where I was emotionally. What you say here is so correct and my kids DO come first. I don't even have enough time for ME in a day with breast feeding, changing diapers and fixing a million snacks a day...let alone including a man in that whole equation...what was I thinking? :duhh:

Anyway...I get it now and thanks for the scriptures, I will meditate on them during one of the baby's two hour naps... :banghead: