Fallen Angel

Awww thanks guys for all the kind best wishes. I'm sure once we've had time to get up and running we can offer a discount to members of our fav forum One more point about fleabay, does anyone else feel a bit uncomfortable about the number of bikes being sold minus V5? When I was little the word was never to buy anything without a reg doc. Tammy fixes I phone and stuff like that. She bought one on fleabay in good faith and it turned out to be nicked. She went straight to the police but they weren't interested. I'm not sure I want to buy a bike sans V5 and the same thing happen.

The best solution I have found is a cheap smart phone with gps tracking hidden somewhere on the bike. Apparently you can then track the bike's whereabouts using another smart phone. That way you can always find your bike without the hefty subscription that comes with trackers. If you're a bit of a leccy whiz you could always set up a trembler switch to text you if the bike is moved. From there it's a matter of calling Dave so you can pay the tea-leafs a visit with plan B. I just need to figure out what a 'smart phone' is and how gps tracking works. Afraid I'm an analogue girl struggling along in a digital world. Tammy understands these newfangled contraptions though

That looks awful. Our workshop is attached to our house so something like that would be devastating. Thanks for the good wishes and same back

OMG, really Now that's a scary story! The truth is we are starting up a new business and money is tight. We were rather about the whole thing as we could ill afford to loose that amount of cash. I think the moral of your story Tony is to stick a big notice up on the back of the door saying 'Have you turned the compressor off?'

Hiya and welcome to the forum. to. Swad, just up the road and my partner is just getting the ball rolling to do her theory test.

Sorry but I'm so happy I had to post this. I finally fixed the compressor, described by it's seller on fleabay as 'in full working order'. Needless to say it turned out to be a bit poorly when we got it home. I believe this makes me a bona fide mechanical genius But seriously we were well annoyed as the idiot assured us on the phone it was in first class condition before we drove the 80 miles each way to collect it. To be fair, I have seen creatures feeding in the slime at the bottom of ponds with higher IQ's. So it's all now, phew

Not that I don't think Fred wasn't a lovable old misogynist but I'd prefer that bloke standing next to you in your pic envious

Very good!

Jesus H Christ in a handbag, that guy has bigger boobs than I have

Yeh, I once owned a Hardly Ableson WLA 45, one of those death traps with no brakes and the gear change on the side of the petrol tank, ghastly thing However, I kept taking the medication and I'm much better now The Elgi is a pure work of art but I just can't help but hope I win the lottery one day so I can buy a genuine Lightning,makes me feel all funny inside just thinking about them

Accessorising is everything

- Reminds me of a time when I was in the army and my section was out on a run, we passed a mum with her kids in tow and one of them pointed at me and said "mummy - is he a gladiator?" - I felt ten feet tall for the rest of that week!! and so you should Absolutely, I second that

Thats brilliant My dad bought me my first moto x here a little itali jet rev an go then I just progressed up and the last bike I bought from Eddie Grimstead was a CR500 when they was in the barking rd Eastham in e6 OMG, my parents bought me my first MX bike from Eddie, a KX125. The twin shock one with the steel tank. Still have the manual and the little leaflet telling me to wear a helmet and don't rip up the local canal tow path. What a coincidence!

Oh come on guys, me thinks you all protest too much. Come the day I bet it'll be red roses, breakfast in bed and champagne.

spoilsport

Sophie is hurt by your indifference you can stop all that posh talking, use little words please But that would be disingenuous of me. I am posh, I rarely lick my plate clean when eating at restaurants

Hope you have a great one

Sophie is hurt by your indifference

I'll get me coat then....

Guys, I know how difficult it is for you to find appropriate St Valentine's day prezzies for you loved ones so I thought I'd help out with a couple of suggestions.... Herro Kitty Breast cancer aware, very new man Just trying to help

Ladies and gentlemen, she lies. She's only just stopped shouting obscenities at her laptop

Just got to do this even though she's sitting 2 feet away. Hiya HunniBunni welcome to the forum... Did you mention something about making a cuppa when you'd finished your profile? I promise I'll fix the compressor today if you make one, honest xxx

Hmmm, 6s 1/4's, 256mph. Very interesting Obviously I'd have to verify there claims for myself, so if you'll all just pop round with your Hayabusa's and drop the keys in the leterbox I'll get back to you.

Found this while searching for something else and it made me laugh lots so thought I'd share... The origins of the cafe racer are buried in 1950s culture, the world was emerging from the depression of the second world war, young people were getting increasing amounts of money and the motorcycle was changing from a cheap means of transport for the poor to a means of showing off for the new young rich. The pill had not been invented and so the cafe racer was a representation of youth rebellion and contraception. The Youth rebellion on both sides of the Atlantic took different but similar routes. In the UK which is a small Island they developed a motorcycle which could not be ridden for more than 3 minutes without severe cramps or injury but endowed it with a 6 gallon tank which is sufficient to travel the length of the Island. In America which is almost a continent they developed a motorcycle which could cruise comfortably from state to state then put a 2 pint tank on it so the looks would not be spoiled. The essence of a cafe racer is therefore as follows. 1 It must crush the riders gonads as much as possible in as many was as possible so that condoms arn’t necessary, therefore making the rider extremely attractive to the opposite or maybe even the same sex. 2 It must annoy as many people as possible in as many ways as possible before it breaks down or blows up and has to be rebuilt. There were many aspects to the perfect cafe racer and these are detailed briefly below, performance was not important but being cool was everything therefore the design parameters of the perfect cafe racer differed from the normal racer in many ways. 1. ENGINE This of course should be noisy in every way. The job of the engine is three fold 1.1 to put the maximum amount of unburned fuel into the exhaust to produce backfires. 1.2 to transfer oil from the sump to the combustion chamber in order to produce smoke 1.3 to produce some residual power for forward motion approximately once per month. The Engine had many parts all of which had potential "cool" value which can be explained below. 2.1 Pistons. Pistons had to be of high compression crowned type with massive valve cut outs. The high compression and cut outs were not a performance feature they were to induce pre ignition so that the engine ran on after the owner turned off the ignition and walked away. 2.2 Pistons.... had to be fitted with worn rings and all oil scraper rings were removed to allow maximum transfer of oil from the sump to the exhaust. 2.3 Valves..... Valves should be big enough to allow small coins to pass straight through. 2.4 Rockers..... At least one rocker should be lightened with a grinder showing a knife edge for high rev performance. To view this, the relevant rocker box cover was omitted which allowed people to view and oil to be thrown everywhere. 2.5 Cams....Cams should be as wild as possible, this is not a performance feature but to fill the exhaust with fuel and then ignite it on the over run (more later) 2.6 Timing.....some cafe racers experimented with electronic ignition but this proved reliable and reduced backfires and so was rarely used. Timing covers were always of the alloy finned type to dissipate the massive heat generated on a 3 minute blast. 2.6 Clutch....The clutch was rarely used but was fitted with springs from a WW2 truck suspension the object was to pull the wrist tendons of any none owner who tried to use it. 2.7 Gearbox. A Quaife close ratio 5 speed with high ratio rear sprocket was the minimum but not for performance. Cafe racers had to leave a cafe and get to thye next set of lights /roundabout in 1 gear so the noise slowly increases to agonising levels. On arrival at a cafe the cafe racer must change gear as many times as possible in a few seconds deafening and blinding customers with backfires and sheets of flame from the exhaust. 2.8 tuning .........All cafe racers were tuned to maximise their annoyance, sometimes this reduced performance but it was a price worth paying. 2.8.1 Carburettors, all joints were loosened to leak petrol over everything. The idle jet was blocked so the owner had to rev the engine constantly. 2.8.2 Carburettors were fitted with velocity stacks or bell mouths on extended inlet stubs this was nothing to do with gas flow but to collect loose coins and keys from the rider and suck in the gonads of anyone foolish enough to hang off the seat. Extended inlet stubs showed off the carbs and made seating difficult they were 100% cool. 2.8.3 Machining ....all joined surfaces were machined to ensure they leaked, a leaking engine was known to be "tuned" The Cylinder head had to be machined to induce pre ignition, cause a leak and ensure the tappets could never be correctly adjusted. 2.8.4 Sump plug. The sump plug never leaked, ever. Oil was removed from the engine past the gaskets and piston rings, removing the sump plug as a last resort brought ridicule to the owner. 2.9 Exhaust The exhaust was the most important part of a cafe racer It had to produce massive noise, collect unburned fuel for backfires, leak at every joint to give the owner a smokescreen at traffic lights. A correctly adjusted exhaust would allow the police to follow a cafe racer without actually moving. 2.9.1 Lubrication.... Cafe racers had to run on Castrol "R" because its stinks and leaves a blue cloud. Parking at a traffic light would fill the car behind with a blue haze for the deafened owners to sit in. Castrol R was the final back up in case police couldn’t find the bike by noise or vibration. 3 Brakes 3.1 Front brake ... must be as big as possible but the only important part of the front brake was the scoop, this had to be big enough to fill the drum with grit and ensure an annoying squeal if ever it was used. In wet weather the scoop should fill the drum with water to allow steam to come out when the bike stops. 3.2 Front brakes had to be 4 leading shoe so the rider had something to adjust outside the cafe. The lever had to be adjusted so that only a baboon with 7inch thumbs could operate it (to compensate for brake fade) 3.3 Rear brakes had to as small as possible and modified by machining to lock whenever used, this proved the rider was on the "edge". 4.3 Petrol tank. This was the key part of a cafe racer. It had many functions. 4.3.1 To stretch the rider out so that all his weight was on his gonads. 4.3.2 To provide a barrier ensuring every time the brake is pressed the riders gonads are crushed. 4.3.3 To hold a weeks wages in petrol (cafe racers were very active but little known traders on the energy exchanges) All cafe racers had the tank secured with a leather strap to allow the rider to rescue his weeks wages if it fell over. If a cafe racer could be picked up with the tank still on it had been badly put together. 4.3.4 Alloy tanks were heavier than standard but allowed the owner to admire the blonde birds chest without being slapped. 4.3.5 fibreglass tanks were light and really cool, knowing you could be engulfed in flames at any time marked you as a danger man. 4.3.6 All tanks were there to minimise steering lock, this was to make everybody move away while you did a 60 point turn to get out of the car park. The ultimate cafe racers could not negotiate small roundabouts they were the true rocket ships. 5.1 Electrics 5.1.all electrical connections were badly soldered so they broke after a few minutes 5.1.1 Headlight, the headlight must have a massive dish, cafe racers were patriotic and carried a searchlight about in case a Heinkel 111 tries a sneak attack. The bulb was only ever fitted for the MOT test. In actual use the headlight had a Christmas fairy light, anything brighter meant you were frightened of the dark and couldn’t remember your way around town which wasn’t cool at all. 5.2 The rear light was never connected to any switches, all cafe racers had the ignition wired into the rear brake switch in some way this could mean boiling the battery or shorting the capacitors. The rear running light however was on all the time and operated as a red strobe flashing at engine speed. 6.1 Riding position had to be agonising at all times, body weight could only be carried on the gonads and wrists, the neck should be bent so far that forward vision was restricted to 30 seconds every 5 minutes. Footrests were adjusted to cut off blood supply to the feet and make sure brakes and gears couldn’t be operated without pressing gonads into the oil filler cap. To summarise, the perfect cafe racer should render parenthood impossible after 3 minutes, annoy everyone within 3 miles of the rider, leave a trail of oil smoke petrol and rubber to allow the police to stop the rider. If a cafe racer is not stopped by the police within 3 minutes and the rider asked "who do you think you are Geoff Duke" it has been badly constructed. If a cafe racer is still running on both cylinders and hasn’t crashed after 4 minutes it is not a cafe racer at all.