RichardH

looking great dude, bet the wife cant wait to get her kitchen back

Did you manage to spot the number

Sweet as a nut

I just got home from work and saw it on the Tv, total sympathy for the loss of those caught up in it, but you have to admire the awesomeness of mother nature.

Too far for me but looks good

A father walks into a restaurant with his young son.. He gives the young boy three 10p coins to play with to keep him occupied. Suddenly, the boy starts choking and going blue in the face.... The father realises the boy has swallowed the coins and starts slapping him on the back.. The boy coughs up 2 of the 10p's but is still choking. Looking at his son, the father is panicking, shouting for help. A well dressed, attractive, and serious looking woman, in a blue business suit is sitting at a coffee bar reading a newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee. At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down, neatly folds the newspaper, places it on the counter, gets up from her seat and makes her way, unhurried, across the restaurant. Reaching the boy, the woman carefully pulls down his pants; takes hold of the boy's' testicles and starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then ever so firmly.. tighter and tighter !!! After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the last of the 10p's, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand. Releasing the boy's testicles, the woman hands the coin to the father and walks back to her seat at the coffee bar without saying a word. As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying, "I've never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor? " 'No,' the woman replied. I'm with the Inland Revenue..'

Well done Rose, where's the video?

PMSL

Is it on sky, or can we all watch it?

loving it so far

As Dave dosen't like swearing I'll stick with Idiot.

I see you treat your bikes like your woman Kick her a couple of times Tickle her turn her over get her warm then turn her off and leave her to it Seriously mate she looks and sounds cracking would love to come and have a look when it's warmer

i was working in the real world at 18 2 years in to my appenticeship building houses on my own at 19 Eeeee, you think you had it tough, i lived in shoe box int middle of the road

well it gets my numbers up

Hey Matt, just noticed you have posted 1000 posts and try to get out more!!

Jesus, haven't they heard of brakes that's giving it some on that bend, especially with that dip in the middle of it.

Hellooooo

Brilliant, don't you just love old folk

blimey, lucky there then, could have been stuck in the middle nowhere, I'm sure someone will have the solution soon mate,

Best plan I've heard all year, post it on your Facebook statuses and spread the word

None, I don't like em

Wow, that is quick!

Two builders (Dave and Mike) are seated either side of a table in a pub when a well-dressed man enters, orders a beer and sits on a stool at the bar. The two builders start to speculate about the occupation of the man in the suit. Dave: - I reckon he's an accountant. Mike: - No way - he's a stockbroker. Dave: - He ain't no stockbroker! A stockbroker wouldn't come in here! The argument repeats itself for some time until the volume of beer gets the better of Dave and he makes for the toilet. On entering the toilet he sees that the suit is standing at a urinal. Curiosity and the several beers get the better of him. Dave: - 'Scuse me.... no offence meant, but me and me mate were wondering what you do for a living? Suit: - No offence taken! I'm a Logical Scientist by profession Dave: - Oh? What's that then? Suit: - I'll try to explain by example ... Do you have a goldfish at home? Dave: - Er .. mmm .. well yeah, I do as it happens! Suit: - Well, it's logical that you keep it either in a bowl or in a pond. Which is it? Dave: - It's in a pond! Suit: - Well it's reasonable to suppose that you have a large garden then? Dave: - As it happens, yes I have got a big garden. Suit: - Well then it's logical to assume that, in this town, if you have a large garden then you have a large house? Dave: - As it happens I've got a five bedroom house ..... built it myself! Suit: - Well given that you've built a five bedroom house it's logical to assume that you haven't built it just for yourself and that you are quite probably married? And with a family? Dave: - Yes I am married, I live with my wife and four children. Suit: - Well then it is logical to assume that you are sexually active with your wife on a regular basis? Dave: - Yep! Five times a week! Suit: - Well then it is logical to suggest that you don't masturbate very often? Dave: - Do what? Not me, mate! Suit: - Well there you are! That's logical science at work! Dave: - How's that then? Suit: - Well from finding out that you had a goldfish, I've told you about your sex life! Dave: - I see! That's pretty impressive.. Thanks mate! Both leave the toilet and Dave returns to his mate. Mike: - I see the suit was in there. Did you ask him what he does? Dave: - Yep! He's a logical scientist! Mike: - What's that then? Dave: - I'll try and explain. Do you have a goldfish? Mike: - Nope Dave: - Well then, you're a wanker