Oldfart

After a tiring day, a commuter settled down in her seat and closed her eyes. As the train rolled out of the station, the guy sitting next to her pulled out his cell phone and started talking in a loud voice:? "Hi sweetheart. It's Eric. I'm on the train. Yes, I know it's the six thirty and not the four thirty, but I had a long meeting. No, honey, not with that blonde from the accounts office. With the boss. No sweetheart, you're the only one in my life. Yes, I'm sure, cross my heart" Fifteen minutes later, he was still talking loudly, when the young woman sitting next to him had had enough and leaned over and said into the phone, "Eric, turn that phone off and come back to bed." Eric doesn't use his cell phone in public any longer...

A fleeing Taliban, desperate for water, was plodding through the Afghan desert when he saw something far off in the distance. Hoping to find water, he hurried toward the oasis only to find a British soldier selling regimental ties. The Taliban asked, "Do you have water?" The soldier replied, "There is no water, the well is dry. Would you like to buy a tie instead? They are only £10 The Taliban shouted, "You idiot infidel! I do not need an over-priced tie. I need water! I should kill you, but I must find water first!" "OK," said the soldier, "It does not matter that you do not want to buy a tie and that you hate me. I will show you that I am bigger than that, and that I am a much better human being than you. If you continue over that hill to the east for about two miles, you will find our Sergeant's Mess. It has all the ice cold water you need. “Inshallah.” Cursing him, the Taliban staggered away over the hill. Several hours later he staggered back, collapsed with dehydration & rasped......" THEY WON'T LET ME IN WITHOUT A F-------G TIE!”

Aah yes. Maybe the fuel mixture is a bit rich, igniting in the exhaust pipe Or a possible air leak in the exhaust causing 'popping back'

Little Robert comes down to breakfast. Since they live on a farm, his mother asks if he had done his chores. "Not yet," said the little Robert. His mother tells him no breakfast until he does his chores. Well, he's a little pissed off, so he goes to feed the chickens, and he kicks a chicken. He goes to feed the cows, and he kicks a cow. He goes to feed the pigs, and he kicks a pig. He goes back in for breakfast and his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal. "How come I don't get any eggs and bacon? Why don't I have any milk in my cereal?" he asks. "Well," his mother says, "I saw you kick a chicken, so you don't get any eggs for a week.. I saw you kick the pig, so you don't get any bacon for a week either. I saw you kick the cow so for a week you aren't getting any milk." Just then, his father comes down for breakfast and kicks the cat halfway across the kitchen. The little boy looks up at his mother with a smile, and says, "You gonna tell him or should I?" NO PUSSY FOR A WEEK???

A mother passing by her son's bedroom, was astonished to see the bed was nicely made, and everything was picked up. Then, she saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, 'Mum.' With the worst premonition, she opened the envelope and, with trembling hands, read the letter... "Dear, Mum. It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid scene with Dad and you. I've been finding real passion with Stacy, and she is so nice, but I knew you would not approve of her, because of all her piercings, tattoos, her tight Motorcycle clothes, and because she is so much older than I am. But it's not only the passion, Mum. She's pregnant. Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods, and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children. Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it for ourselves, and trading it with the other people in the commune for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS, so Stacy can get better. She sure deserves it! Don't worry Mum, I'm 15, and I know how to take care of myself. Someday, I'm sure we'll be back to visit, so you can get to know your many grandchildren. Love, your son, Joshua PS. Mum, none of the above is true. I'm over at Jason's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the school report that's on the kitchen table.

to a great man

Ive got the 1050 ST Triple. I know its not a naked but I love it to bits. One of the nicest bikes Ive ever owned.

SOCIAL SECURITY SEX Two men were talking. "So, how's your sex life?" "Oh, nothing special. I'm having Social Security sex." "Social Security sex?" "Yeah, you know; I get a little each month, but not enough to live on!" LOUD SEX A wife went in to see a therapist and said, "I've got a big problem, doctor. Every time we're in bed and my husband climaxes, he lets out this ear splitting yell." "My dear," the shrink said, "that's completely natural. I don't see what the problem is." "The problem is," she complained, "it wakes me up! QUIET SEX Tired of a listless sex life, the man came right out and asked his wife during a recent lovemaking session, "How come you never tell me when you have an orgasm?" She glanced at him casually and replied, "You're never home!" WEDDING ANNIVERSARY SEX A husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary. The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads: 'Here Lies My Wife-Cold As Ever'." "Yeah," she replies, "when you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads: Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At Last.'" WOMEN'S HUMOROUS SEX My husband came home with a tube of KY jelly and said, "This will make you happy tonight." He was right. When he went out of the bedroom, I squirted it all over the doorknobs. He couldn't get back in.

I always go with HP mainly because my old firm used them and they were reliable. Got a Photosmart 6510. Print Scan Copy and Web. You can print straight from your posh new mobile. Only uses 4 cartridges and you can get them from here http://www.internet-ink.co.uk/?gclid=CIWY7fflirQCFW3MtAodKDEAGg used them for about 10 years now and always good quality and service

Is that a B King Trike?

Its about as mad as the bloke that paid £106,000 for the (supposed) original Batman Bat cycle. However the auction house in America didnt have any supporting evidence to prove it was genuine.

I think the snowman at the top right of the forum header looks has though he has started on the Xmas cheer (beer) already

Its their new electric bike. Powered by 'battery hens'

Well 'cluck me' it could be a Duckati!!!

Comes to us all in the end Stue. But I'm still riding

Just found this. Despite the subtitles its the full English version lasting 1hr 39mins. If you havent seen it yet you are in for a treat!!

And I was a plant fitter on the M1 in 1966!! I remember Michael Bentine and the Bumblies in 1954

Hi Mark try this

Cost me £400 for varifocals with polarising lenses at Specsavers. My daughter got a better deal at Tescos and she says they are brilliant

Dave but I love anything stupid like that