Oldfart

A Nun and a Priest were crossing the Nullarbor on a camel. On the third day out, the camel suddenly dropped dead without warning.. After dusting themselves off, the Nun and the Priest surveyed their Situation. After a long period of silence, the Priest spoke. 'Well, Sister, this looks pretty grim.' 'I know, Father. In fact, I don't think it likely that we can survive more than a day or two.' 'I agree,' says the Father. 'Sister, since we are unlikely to make it out of here alive, would you do something for me?' 'Anything, Father.' 'I have never seen a woman's breasts and I was wondering if I might see yours.' 'Well,under the circumstances I don't see that it would do any harm.' The Nun opened her habit and the Priest enjoyed the sight of her shapely breasts, commenting frequently on their beauty. 'Sister, would you mind if I touched them?' She consented and he fondled them for several minutes. 'Father, could I ask something of you?' 'Yes, Sister?' 'I have never seen a man's pen*s. Could I see yours?' 'I suppose that would be OK,' the Priest replied lifting his robe. 'Oh Father, may I touch it?' The priest consented and after a few minutes of fondling he was sporting a huge erection.. 'Sister, you know that if I insert my pen*s in the right place, it can Give life.' 'Is that true Father?' 'Yes, it is, Sister..' 'Oh Father, that's wonderful... Stick it in the camel and let's get the hell out of here!'

A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him, 'Father, I have a problem. I have two female parrots, But they only know to say one thing.' 'What do they say?' the priest asked. They say, 'Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?' 'That's obscene!' the priest exclaimed, Then he thought for a moment..... 'You know,' he said, 'I may have a solution to your problem. I have two male talking parrots, which I have taught to pray and read the Bible.. Bring your two parrots over to my house, and we'll put them in the cage with Francis and Peter. My parrots can teach your parrots to pray and worship, And your parrots are sure to stop saying... That phrase... In no time.' 'Thank you,' the woman responded, 'this may very well be the solution.' The next day, She brought her female parrots to the priest's house.... As he ushered her in, She saw that his two male parrots were inside their cage holding rosary beads and praying... Impressed, She walked over and placed her parrots in with them... After a few minutes, The female parrots cried out in unison: Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?' There was stunned silence... Shocked, One male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and says, 'Put the beads away, Francis, Our prayers have been answered!

A THAILAND LOVE STORY A man was lying in bed with his new Thai girlfriend in a hotel in the Thai resort of Phuket. After having great sex, she spent the next hour just rubbing his testicles -something she loved to do As he was enjoying it, he turned and asked her, "Why do you love doing that so much?" "Because", she replied, "I really miss mine."

welcome to the forum welcome

If you look at the picture on 'visordown' its the spitting image of an ER6. Trouble is with Norton about the only thing Norton is the fuel tank.

THIS IS A NON PARTISAN JOKE THAT CAN BE ENJOYED BY All PARTIES! NOT ONLY THAT-- it is POLITICALLY CORRECT!! While walking down the street one day a "Member of Parliament" is tragically hit by a truck and dies. His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance. 'Welcome to heaven,' says St. Peter. 'Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you.' 'No problem, just let me in,' says the man. 'Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from higher up. What we'll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity.' 'Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in heaven,' says the MP. 'I'm sorry, but we have our rules.' And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him. Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people. They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and champagne. Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly & nice guy who has a good time dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a good time that before he realizes it, it is time to go. Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises.... The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him. 'Now it's time to visit heaven.' So, 24 hours pass with the MP joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns. 'Well, then, you've spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose your eternity.' The MP reflects for a minute, then he answers: 'Well, I would never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in hell.' So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell. Now the doors of the elevator open and he's in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage. He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from above. The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulder. ' I don't understand,' stammers the MP. 'Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable. What happened? ' The devil looks at him, smiles and says, ' Yesterday we were campaigning.. ... Today, you voted.

THE 5 ANSWERS WE HAVE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR! Q: WHAT ARE THE SMALL BUMPS AROUND A WOMAN'S NIPPLES FOR? A: It's Braille for 'suck here'. Q: WHAT IS AN AUSTRALIAN KISS? A: It's the same as a French kiss, but 'down under.' Q: WHAT DO YOU DO WITH 365 USED CONDOMS? A: Melt them down, make a tyre, and call it a Goodyear. Q: WHY WERE HURRICANES NORMALLY NAMED AFTER WOMEN? A: Because when they come, they're wild and wet. But when they go, they take your house and car with them. Q: WHY DO GIRLS RUB THEIR EYES WHEN THEY GET UP IN THE MORNING ? A: Because they don't have any balls to scratch... BONUS QUESTIONS & ANSWERS Q: What is a man's Ultimate embarrassment? A: Running into a wall with an erection and breaking his nose. Nominated as the world's best short joke A 3-year-old boy examined his testicles while taking a bath. 'Mum', he asked, 'Are these my brains?' 'Not yet,' she replied.

A woman walks into the Liverpool benefits office, trailed by 15 kids... 'WOW,' the social worker exclaims, 'Are they ALL yours? 'Yeah they are all mine,' the flustered mother sighs, having heard that question a thousand times before. She says, 'Sit down Terry.' All the children rush to find seats. 'Well,' says the social worker, 'then you must be here to sign up. I'll need all your children's names.' 'This one's my oldest - he is Terry.' 'OK, and who's next?' 'Well, this one he is Terry, also.' The social worker raises an eyebrow but continues. One by one, through the oldest four, all boys, all named Terry. Then she is introduced to the eldest girl, named Terri. 'All right,' says the caseworker. 'I'm seeing a pattern here. Are they ALL named Terri?' Their Mother replied, 'Well, yes-it makes it easier. When it is time to get them out of bed and ready for school, I yell, 'Terry!' An' when it's time for dinner, I just yell 'Terry!' an' they all come runnin.' An' if I need to stop the kid who's running into the street, I just yell 'Terry' and all of them stop. It's the smartest idea I ever had, namin' them all Terry.' The social worker thinks this over for a bit, then wrinkles her forehead and says tentatively, 'But what if you just want ONE kid to come, and not the whole bunch?' 'I call them by their surnames!'

Quite true but do you really need to do 113mph to overtake learners doing 60?

This is in the wet weather when I was turning into a duck!!! Better now?

Is that the model with twin overhead sump plugs and high lift oil filler!

Hi and welcome to the forum. I will be at the TT as usual. Got a homestay at Onchan, had it for a few years now. Can't wait

Gallon of petrol and a match springs to mind

Now that's my kinda woman !!!

Nice one Jezza

Just 6 months for 113mph. I'd have crushed his ruddy car. The tw*t

When I was 13, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend with big tits. When I was 16, I got a girlfriend with big tits, but there was no passion, so I decided I needed a passionate girl with zest for life. In college I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional. Everything was an emergency; she was a drama queen, cried all the time and threatened suicide. So I decided I needed a girl with stability. When I was 25, I found a very stable girl but she was boring. She was totally predictable and never got excited about anything. Life became so dull that I decided I needed a girl with some excitement. When I was 28, I found an exciting girl, but I couldn't keep up with her. She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything. She did mad impetuous things and made me miserable as often as happy. She was great fun initially and very energetic, but directionless. So I decided to find a girl with some real ambition. When I turned 30, I found a smart ambitious girl with her feet planted firmly on the ground, so I married her. She was so ambitious that she divorced me and took everything I owned. I am older and wiser now, and I am looking for a girl with big tits.

Sorry to hear the news, but that's what they are doing. Know several ex soldiers who were treated the same way. They usually offer some sort of retraining but not always.

Used them when I had a Suz. Good firm

Flat pack. Must be made by MFI

Chrome for me. IE9 keeps hanging up on my computer, real glitchy

Happy Birthday

And while your at it Dave you can add these to match the white on the mudguard