GoldenEagle

I think you're fabulous. I just wanted you to kno0w that!

Well, maybe this is the right man if the circumstances can be tweaked... lol. Is this a person I desire to have in my life knowing it's going ina new direction? yes, yes and yes. I've never net abybody like him. He's like a ray of light; he can make people more positive and get them to change things that are hurting them. I've never known anybody with such a gift for enthusing people, and I have felt depressed for years. But then last year he was on a trip with a close friend and the close friend died horribly infront of him in a road traffic accident. Then his the baby he and his girlfriend were having died at week 36 of the pregnancy. Thise things are quite recent and I don't know what their longterm effect will be. He phoned me on the baby's due date, a very difficult day and I was worried that he turns to me about things instead of his partner, who is an unstable person who is occasionally physically violent and on most days extremely manipulative. She is a master of the power of guilt. Thanks again for your encouragement, Cholette. You never let peoploe settle for second best! The things is, I really do believe this man to be the best but somewhere inh my logoical brain I realise I'm on the path to misery if I don't let go.

I've just realised I'm actaully, all out in love with somebody who's had a live-in girlfriend who makes him miserable for 15 years. he's looking for God, but had 2 very major traumas and is angry. This is very, very bad. I have gotten too close to this person. I know all his private pain and he knows mine, and I can't get him out of my head. I feel I'm going nuts.

Just a wee thought BOUT EXERCISE. I have really severe arthritis in 16 joints including mys pine, and my body mass index is about 28. Now, to you I'm fat but to me I'm doing really well1 you can excercise with sciatica, you just need to get a good physio to advise you. have you tried swimming? The more you obsess about diet the more stressed you get the less it works. I find POSITIVE changed helpful, such as 'eat more fruit' rather than 'don't eat chocolate.' One more wee health thing - ten and a half stone is not exactly mrobidly obese! Are you actually in an unhealhty weight band, or is this more that you just look different than you used to? Cos if you're healthy, then embrace your curves!

Thanks, cholette, that's really helpful.

No, not really. There aren't enough hours in the week!

I have just started in a job I hate, but at least I've got a job. before that I taught singing in music schools and my own home for a while but it didn't go very well. IU also release3d a couple opf CDs that had great critical acclaim but didn't sell very well. I wne to the careers guidanbce counsellor today and told her I wanted to change careers. Because my arthritis is now very severe, I have alot of hospitalo appointments and steroids treatments which my employer is not happy about. The counsellor thought being self-employed might be better in my circumstances, and su8ggested I do a business course to learn the skills I need. Afrterall, maybe I couoldn't make a living out of music before because I don't know anything about marketing etc. My worry is that it's such a big risk financially.... I know I can't be happy doing anything other than music cos it's my gift and my passion in life, but it worries me that I'm returning to something that didn't nwork before. But I feel like my soul will shrivel and die in the bureaucratic jon I have now.

This is a bit convoluted, but here goes. I have had a very sertious form of narthritis since childhood. Recently a miracle happened in another area of my health, but the arthritis is serious and they are running out of treatment options. I am starting a new drug on Monday that might help, and if it doesn't they say I will lose my independence. The only problem is it has serious ramifications in the area of having children. I'm 34 and single and haven't given up on that yet, but if I deon't try this drug the consequences coulod be severe. Then there's my job... last year I got offered a music contract and I was thrilled as that is the only thjing I ever wanted to do, but I couldn't make a decent living out of it and I've had to trake a job I don't really like and it just depresses me to be spending my time and what littloe energy my illness leaves me with on something I don't love. I'm very skilled in certain areas and I have all the exams, awards etc but a real lasting career just doesn't seem to materialise and I feel like can't be happy doing anything else because this is the thing I'm good at and in other fields I'm just getting by. And I'm not really happy that I'm single... 9i have to suppo9rt my ageing mother cos my father is dead and I didn't really want to be living at home by this age, but we neither of us can afford to do without the other. And the constant, extreme paiin and chronic fatigue is so debilitating, and the things Chrsitains say about illness are either so hurtful or so downright crazy that I feel like having a panic attack any time I go anywhere near a churchy. The healign ministry has doen me alot of harm, I feel.

Praying

Steadygaze, darling, you must eb in so kuch pain. I can sympahise cos I've been in apin but only you and God know your body and your soul. Don't let people put any condemnation on you for being sick or fear for the future into your head. It may seem crazy for xome-one to say this, but I honestly believe that oen day you'll look back and it'll be like 'Wow. remember that tiem I needed the surgery. I can't believe I survived all that! I can't even believe that was me!.'

The Book of Proverbs says an undeserved curse does not come to rest. The wavy thingin your vision sounds liek a migraine brought on by stress. Don't spiritualise it too much. This woman has no power over you except if you allow her power by having anxious thoughts.

Pilates ROCKS! love it. Back to the lady in the class... it sounds as if she may be schizophrenic and needs to see a psychiatrist.

Rnest, you are4 so right.. I have a number of chronic illnesses and I actually stopped goign to Cghurch beacus eof the whole 'there must be a root' philosophy, plus this new Christian fad that says havign emotions=lack of faith. there are a lot of foolish people around. Friend, I'm standing with you cos I had an MRI scan this morning and I'm in mindboggling agony. have been for 20 years.

I socialise all th etime, and I have plenty of friends. But you don't come home to friends at night, so you?

Myspace is the way to go for music promotion - an artist profile lets you up0load 10 songs, have tour dates and a bio. Most promoters look for a myspace or EPK (Electronic Press Kit).

I took care of a disable dparent who died for most of my youth and now all my friends are married with families and I feel lonely.

And you!

Have you got a myspace?

In my case the phobia has grown the more doctors I see, so keeping going to the doctor doesn't help at all! Each tiem it makes the phobia a bit worse. I'm so ghlad you're on the way, Butterfly.

I'll pray for her.

Thanks, Butterfly. That makes sense. What happened when you did?

Thankyou.

That is right, but unfortunately after 30 years you do get a bit exhausted. That's probably why I'm asking for help here: I can't go on chasing after healing anymiore. It exhausts me beyind belief when I even hear the word. I need other believers to pray for me, cos I just can't face it anymore.

Actually, I'm doing pretty well physically. I'm ebtter than I've been in 20 years - it's not the disease that's theproblem. I just can't cope with hospitals anymore, which is what my post is really about. We seem to have gotten a bit off topic on this thread.... but thankyou for your kind words. What do you eman by 'radial? I don't really understand...

I've had this condition for 30 years. I've repented of so many sins I've probably repented of sins I never committed. I've read 100s of books, been to a million healing retreats, been prayed for, counselled etc. I've looked for the root in my own sins and past and those of my ancestors... I've searched every place and been throught he whole of my life since conception... and you know what? It didn't make me well. iIwas already weary and burdened, and it just added more burdens. I've had people shout at unsees 'spirits' that were supposed to eb maing em sick, and nothing happened at all. I've been to countless delieverance minsitries. They couldn't help, and God Himself did not allow me to discern any spirits. You kinow what enable dme to talk again? Drugs. Medicine - because it is my physical body that is ill. The physical worl is fallen, which is why death comes to us all in a physical sense. It is not wise to look for demons or trauma or other explanations - God sent me doctors and they are His servants in this battle. I have never been raped or sexually kolested in any way, so i cannot really comment on what happens to people who have, but I certainly do not feel bitterness towards the people who have done me most harm, and those people were the Christian counsellors who told me to look for a root and ergo blamed me or my family for our suffering. This is ungodly; it is judgement under a pious disguise. These people had real power over me; they abused me by taking me to psychological places they did not have the expertise to explore, they told me there must be somethign hidden within myself that i couildn't see and my search for it was a painful one - until God made it clear to me their thinking was wrong. I am his child as was Paul who was flogged, Peter who was crucified, Elijah who was bitter and alone in the desert; nothing can separate me from the love of Christ and His blood is powerful enough to counter every curse. The peopel who believe in 'roots' thought they were doing good, so I wish them nio ill. I only hope that they come to a place of greater maturity, such as the prophet Hosea who said when the stlls were empty he would still praise the LORD - he didn't say he would get down on his knees and repent of all his sins or researxch his whole family tree or mull over every word he had ever said, he would simply praise the LORD. Please, please listen to me: telling sick people to look for roots unless God specifically reveals one just adds more confuson and pain. DO NOT COUNSEL PEOPLE WITH CHRONOC ILLNESSES IN THIS WAY UNLESS YOU HAVE A WORD OF KNOWLEDGE. You think you are helping, but all you are doing is making it worse - not just you personally but every-one who preaches these philosophies. In the book of Luke Jesus told the disciples not to beleive that those who had died when a tower collapsed had died because of sin - He made it clear we must not judge those who suffer. Also, when confronted with a blind man the disciples asked, 'Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was bron blind.' jesus replied 'Neither'. Now, the woman with the bent back had been held in bondage by a spirit, but Bartim,aeus had no spirit cast out - we are not all healed in the same way. jesus dealt with every ill person as an individual; healing is when He meets you at your point of need. Mine won't be the same as yours, so your experienes whilst they are beautiful and a testimony to God's will won't necessarily translate into my life. I thank you for you love and concern, but I find it very distressing to look for spirits and roots - I did that for about 15 years. So please let's agree that we disagree, and end this conversation.