Christa

Hi D.... I'm on emoticon overload right now....haven't had that for a while I know I showed up at this church to help the pastor's wife. Shortly after I started going there again, her mother died. My mom is her best friend, but my mom couldn't be there for her because she works really long days. God sent me there because he loves the pastor's wife (and she was a complete wreck..I'm not used to seeing her that way). Why I'm still there???.....I'm still praying on it (God has me where change is...then I'm off again once the change has taken place...I often don't see outcomes of the change). Personally, I think God may be closing down the church. Drugs bring in the spirit of control too...and there are a lot of undelivered people there. However, I have no doubt that witchcraft is a big part of that too. Honestly, I'm so sick of going to churches. I would rather walk the streets with other believers healing the sick and raising the dead. I just might find a group like that. So many churches these days have little to no outreach programs that actually go OUTreach (it's all about the people going TO the church, not the church coming to them). I'm so used to getting high on Jesus all on my own (or finding conferences to go to to be with other believers), I almost feel like I don't need pews, a pianist, a bulletin, and a tithing envelope anymore. When I tithe, I always do cash straight in the offering plate anyway (with no info filled out on the envelope if I use one...because I don't want to take any credit for God's money). IDK. I'm so sick of the legalism...I have a bad taste in my mouth about churches in general right now. Thanks for all of your prayers. God has given me peace the past couple of days. I'm a really uptight person about everything really, but God has given me such mercy and grace recently. God bless you guys.

Oh man....I need to get my face on the floor about this, because I've got to walk forward either way. Being at a stand-still isn't a good place for me....I start to create drama at that point (truth be told ). Thank you all for telling me your experiences. I feel very supported. Thanks for your prayers as well. God bless ya'll.

Oh girl.....I remember your battle at that other church. Thank you for telling me this. I really needed to hear what you said.

Thanks Delia.....I feel very torn about it right now. Usually when God tells me, "You're done...go," it's pretty matter of fact and I feel little or no hesitation (although I might be sad). I don't feel like I've gotten the green light on this yet, but I will certainly pray for God to move me on pretty quickly. Thanks girl for your support.

Does God want us to stay in places that are just torture? I don't want to be seduced by the weird spirit that's in this church. I went to this church growing up as a teen and although I got a good foundation, I had no clue what the Holy Spirit did until about 3 years ago. They're Assemblies of God, but they follow the beat of their own drum per se. The pastor has to control everything that goes on (he's the only one that prays for people, everybody else has to lay hands on people and just agree). The pastor's wife controls all of the music that goes on too. I almost died of boredom today. I feel like the pastor and his wife try to fit Holy Spirit into a ritual box....like if Holy Spirit doesn't like the schedule WE have, then He can go elsewhere. Never have they ever said that, but it seems that when Holy Spirit starts to move...at mid-movement, the pastor is cutting into the atmosphere with some ritual that he does every week. I could quote him word for word when he switches from one activity to another. This is how our church goes: 1- Starts off with singing, my mom's the worship leader (she sings opera-like, not contemporary, and instead of leading everybody, the pastor's wife leads the songs with the piano -the music sounds like it's out of the 40's by the way- and everybody else has to keep up with her beat. I think we need a worship team and that my mom and the pastor's wife should back down. I don't think I could ever say anything to either of them about change at all in any capacity). 2- After the third song (sometimes there's a fourth song), the pastor gets up and helps to sing it. My mom steps to the side. Then he says a very familiar prayer and asks the body if we have "any needs" and he prays for our needs. After he prays for our needs, once a month he lets us know that they don't have enough money to cover the rent of the building.....THEN he hands out the offering plates (and his eyes follow the plates). 3- After that, he says, "We're going to sing________, and as we do, will the children please go quietly back to children's church." 4- Sermon (not fresh...something recycled/repeated from years and years of sermons -he's in his late 70's I think- little if any preparation). 5- Ending prayer (sounds the same every week). 6- Asks the body if they need prayer to come up so "we" can pray for them. Then asks the brothers and sisters to come up to help pray. He ALWAYS leads the prayer..."we" don't pray, "we" just agree. Many times I've had urgings to pray for certain people, go kneel at the alter, and such. I feel that there's such a stronghold of control there. I don't feel free to do many things. I feel like all eyes are on me when I raise my hands or cry when I am moved by Holy Spirit there. The lights are so bright and there are so few people there....honestly, I don't blame anybody for staring at me, because it would be absolutely boring there without watching people getting moved by Holy Spirit. I'm not the only person who has observed this, "something is wrong with this church" has been the talk for at the very least 20 years. I don't think I can take another Sunday there. Here's the weird thing....during the week, they have a food bank. The place comes alive then. The atmosphere is so very different, and desireable. Helping others is such a blessing. I don't know if it's wrong to go to two different churches, but I don't want to be involved in the regular services there anymore (but I'm locked into teaching one young girl at 10am every Sunday morning there). I don't want to move until I'm absolutely sure that that's what God wants me to do. God puts me where things are changing ...because I handle change very well (upbringing) when most people don't. I don't feel that they are shut off to hearing God's voice, I just think that they don't do it if it involves a difficult change that they may have to submit to. I starve for Holy Spirit's presence on a daily basis-I can't get enough of Him, but I feel that this church starves us of His presence. I can't stand it and I need serious prayer for direction, please help, I'm about ready to bolt. This church needs to shut down or it needs a 99% overhaul. My mood is getting really bad there, and I don't want to discourage anybody else's good time(the 100+ year olds' I guess) in the Lord. Uuuuggh...I hate the familiar spirit.

I had a dream last night that I was driving at the tippy top of a mountain while my daughter was not strapped into her carseat. I was driving carelessly, but not on purpose...I couldn't really help it for some reason. I ended up backing up too far, and it tipped me over the edge. We started rolling backwards. I knew my daughter was going to die for sure. Then I woke up and immediately prayed for my daughter's safety. My 2 year old was a nightmare at church today. She had several screaming tantrums. I could hear her from the other end and while I was trying to teach my teenage class. She was even worse after church. As I was leaving, my pastor told me, "Well, at least you don't have to chase after her." I'm not really sure what he meant by that, so I just chuckled and said goodbye. As I was trying to load a thousand things in the car, she sneaked by me and started running in the parking lot. I took off after her, but I couldn't catch up to her for at least 30 feet. She was laughing and running. I threatened to spank her....she didn't care and kept running. The second I started to panick, she tripped and fell on her butt somehow.....I swooped her up. Thank God he kept all cars away from her.....that nobody was even close to her....nobody pulled out of a parking spot or tried to go around us. God is so merciful. Thank you my Big Protective Father! Thank you for loving me and my daughter!

Claire, In the Bible it says, "resist the devil, and he MUST flee." Any time you feel depressed dear say, "Get thee behind me satan!" Yell it (at the top of your lungs), break the solemness sound barrier with your voice. Then start singing your favorite worship songs until you push the devil out ["put on the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness (depression)]. This is how the devil gets you. He got me that way for a long time, still tries from time to time, but I overcome it as quickly as it starts now (and us people who get depressed literally do FEEL it start to come on, before it's full blown). When I feel it coming on, I start war on the devil, and I am loud and aggressive about it. I've become pretty sensitive to knowing when the spirit of heaviness (depression) is around. It tries to put pressure on my chest and keep me in bed all day. Dear, do things that scare the devil. Saying the name, "Jesus," makes the devil cringe because there is power in His name; singing praises to God pushes the devil out of your sphere, he hates it because HE wants to be glorified; asking God to send His angels to sing songs and speak words of good news into your ears (blocks the enemies lies and tauntings); and pleading the blood of Jesus over yourself [keeps you safe from harm (even harm from your own hands sweetie, your life belongs to Jesus now since 1990)]. It's important that you overcome this. Developing some godly tools/weapons to counteract the devil's attacks will pound his depressing face into the dust where he belongs. Depression isn't of God. We, as Christians, can have joy in the most horrid conditions because of Who died for us. Jesus didn't die for us to be depressed, hun. No way. He died to give us life...abundant life. God bless you, hope that helped you some. Love, Christa

I have tears in my eyes Delia. I'm so very proud of you. You, my dear, now have a testimony that you need to share with every single mom going through this kind of thing. This will point so many people to Jesus ...His power, strength, & love. You have a story in the making....grab your pen while it's still hot out of the oven. God bless you! It's time to celebrate!!!!!!!!!

They've forgiven me the debt. I just got the response. I didn't ask them to do that, they just did it. They said I was 100% completely forgiven. I didn't pray to get forgiven the debt, but God granted it. I plan on doing something really nice for them, and believing God for the money to pay them back as well. I need people to come in agreement with me for that $1000- though if you're still up for praying for me.

I've apologized for the jerk I was back in the day to them and I'm awaiting a response. I owe the mom about $1000- from a court case they won on a default. I want to pay it the judgement, but I can't right now. They have been nice and haven't gone after me for it. I told them that I have every intention on paying them, and that I'm sorry it's taken so long. I need the money to pay for this thing. I don't know if it's right to ask God if they can forgive me of this debt. I think once this money situation is taken care of, we'll all be able to be good friends again. Uuuggh. ****EDIT***** Friends, you're not going to believe this. God is preparing me for something relating, but separate than, this very recent act of forgiveness. I received an e-mail from an acquaintance today about a friend of mine (different than the one who just forgave me, read this post's replies if you have a minute). This other friend of mine has recently gotten into an argument triangle, and has dropped two very good friends of hers. I know these two friends of hers because they consistently e-mail me to speak with my friend (I'm being used as a third party here because I guess I'm neutral at this point). This situation escalated in a big way today, and I found out that my friend is helping the ex-husband of the girl (my acquaintance, her friend) sue her for slander. This situation is hitting home with me, as a court case between my best friend and I (who just told me yesterday that she forgave me 100%, completely) ended in almost a decade of estrangement and underlying guilt & pain. I know God wants to use me and my testimony in this situation to help these three girls, and to point the way to Jesus. This needs to be handled within the next couple of days. All three of these girls do not know Jesus personally. They are all from different religious backgrounds as well ---> One is Catholic; one is Jewish; and one is being coerced by her mother into Buddhism. This is defcon 5 you guys. Jesus is the only one who can appeal to each one of these girls emotions. I just need to be the vessel, but I need to be ON POINT with Holy Spirit on this. I plan on speaking to all three at the same time, so that they all know where I stand. However, I want ALL of my words to fall to the ground, and I want God to heal every one of these girls of hurt feelings, revenge, fear, and anger through this. I want all of these girls to get saved through this too. PLLLLEEEEAAAASSSSSE pray for me. This message that I have to give them has to be done very soon, and I'll be walking through a maze of delicate eggshells by even addressing it to all three at the same time (however, it's better this way, because then they will never second guess where I stand with all of them). I need prayer, I feel that if I screw this up and I'm not 100% obedient to the voice of God, then I'll have toyed with people's salvation. This is no light matter, and it's weighing really heavily on my heart. Thank you for your immediate prayers.

Thank you Cholette

I know I haven't gotten any recent comments on this post, but thank you if you have prayed for me and my home situation. Things are much better, and I've felt in my bones some changes taking place in my home. Thank you all for putting up with my freak outs. God bless you all. Have a wonderful rest of the week.

My brother moved out. He left two rooms of the house a complete disaster. The rooms literally smell. Not only do I have to deal with the sadness of them leaving, but guess who's going to be the one cleaning this junk up?! Yup...me. My dad has been especially picking on me since the day they left too. I didn't even go to church today...I was too bummed out to even go. My dad kicks me off the computer constantly. He calls me names consistently. I won't go to a halfway house because I don't feel that God is leading me there, and it's not very safe to do that here in Los Angeles anyway, but I want my daughter to have a quality life. I feel stuck in a miserable environment.....and have been for decades now no matter where I go. My dad needs God you guys. He claims he's a Christian, but he cusses at God saying things like, "I hate you God," and "F-you Jesus." I feel like throwing up when he talks at all sometimes. He's probably undiagnosed bi-polar. He's completely narcissistic. Part of the reason that I'm upset at my brother leaving is that my brother was a bit of a buffer from my dad verbally abusing me and my mom. My brother broke his finger once and after that my dad didn't mess with him. He has a very dominant personality, and he barks orders like we're all in the air force under his command or something. He literally screams at the top of his lungs (no joke, he can get extremely high pitched and blasts everybody's ear drums out). He's a real jerk most of the time, to me and my mom especially. Ugghhhh. I'm in a bad place right now emotionally. Too many things are hitting me this week. The only thing that seems to be going right is the way my husband is acting.....which was the main thing that was wrong for the majority of the past 5 months. Why this reversal? I'm just a little weary this week I guess. I know that God is good and that His love endures. I know He's going to fix my dad. Can you guys help me pray for him? When I get really upset at people, I have a hard time praying for them, although, it's what I really need to do RIGHT THEN. In fact, he's picking on me right now you guys. He's provoking me by asking my mom whether I'm sitting around doing nothing right now (like I "have been all day" he says). It's really bad you guys....he doesn't let up. He'll keep pushing and pushing and pushing, even if I pray, it's like my prayers are ineffective. Please help me.

Well, sweetie, I'm going to pray for you. I do believe there is a spirit of death. There are lots of demonic spirits that come around in different forms. I once had a spirit of fear and a spirit of abuse oppressing me .... a prophet lady cast it out of me, and as those spirits were departing, they grabbed me and squeezed me (like a painful bear hug). I could feel them try to squeeze the air out of my lungs, it was hard to breathe. Seconds later, I felt them being pulled away and off of me, but it didn't stop them from scratching my insides with their nails as they tried to remain. It was painful I have to say, but when they were gone, THEY WERE GONE, and no pain remained. There's also a spirit called "heaviness." In the Bible it says, "put on the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness, lift up your voice to God." Basically, when you feel the spirit of heaviness (depression comes to mind), it's time to start singing the worship songs you know until it breaks it's grasp on you. The devil doesn't hang around worshipers when they're worshiping. In fact, for every little ache and pain you feel, you can put it to the test as to whether it's a spirit trying to latch onto you ... by singing worship songs. It's like nails on a chalkboard to the demonic realm....also, by saying the name of Jesus and pleading the blood of Jesus over you when thoughts or pains bombard you.....the demons have to go. Try it, it works...because there's power in the name of Jesus. I just want to pray for you right now, so that you don't wonder whether I did or not ok: Father God, in the name of Jesus, I break, bind, curse, and loose the clutches of anything evil or negative on my friend here. I break the power of the devil, and any curse that is responsible for harming this sweet soul by the power of the name of Jesus. Holy Spirit, I ask you to come and minister to my friend's heart and break the cords and bands that are preventing complete and total healing of my friend's mind and body. Jesus, please put your arms around this sweet person so that your love is known, and felt in such a physical sense....in such a real way. Pour out your love and favor on this wonderful soul, and heal and mend until 100% wholeness is reached. You're beautiful Jesus, thank you for drawing us all to you when we need someone to love us, and someone to cling to. Thank you for being the lover of our souls. In Jesus' name I pray. Amen. God bless you sweetie. Peace and health be with you.

THX

The last time I had a dream about my daughter being in danger, a similar thing happened to a little girl, which my friend (who I dreamed about last night as well) actually saved from drowning at a water park the very next day. Here's the dream: My daughter got into the driver's seat of a semi-truck. It had a tricycle steering wheel. She somehow got it to operate, and was going round & round in circles around me on the grass lawn of a big house. I kept screaming at her to stop and not to go into the street. She kept circling faster and faster (it was out of her control), and she kept taking her hands off of the tricycle steering wheel. I was yelling at her to hold on to the handle bars because she could get an "owie" (a term I use for my daughter when explaining danger). Then it came to a stop. I was trying to plan my move to get her off of it and out of the danger zone. The next thing I know the semi-tricycle turned into a 5th wheel trailer that was leaning at an angle on the grass like it was going to tip. I started running over to get my daughter out of there and pull her to safety. Instead she went inside the 5th wheel trailer and my nephew (who lives with us but him and his family are moving to a different state in two days.....which I'm extremely sad about) hopped in with her. His weight was enough to tip the trailer. It started rolling and I was hysterical because the kids were tumbling around on the inside getting hurt. That's where the dream ended. I prayed about the situation just in case a couple of kids are in danger of dying from a joy ride accident or a 5th wheel trailer accident today. Please pray with me just in case ok. God bless you all.

Well....I have to say that I was completely surprised by your age +=+;-=-;+>- NOT because of the physical problems that you have, but because you're so well spoken and wise beyond your years. I know a little bit about healing and have been to one seminar. I have a seer gifting where I physically feel other people's pain in my body....which truly can suck if my prayer life isn't on point (because we're not supposed to hold onto that pain, it should be only a touch and go sort of thing...Jesus already took it when He died on the cross, and He stands in the gap for others, not us). I've felt people being healed, but mostly I feel their pain solely for the purpose of helping them to lay it down at the foot of the cross. A little story here: I'm a certified massage therapist and while I was in school, I was consistently sick, but there were people who said that they didn't have pain in an area anymore after I massaged it. This was when I wasn't a Christian....but Jesus still used me to help a few people. You can imagine, being that I have very sensitive empathy.....anything a person had, I caught it (and I'm not talking about a cold). If someone came in with a hurt foot, my foot started hurting. I didn't understand this gift of empathy, so I just thought I was either seriously screwed up, or a hypochondriac. I once even felt the pain of a car accident for an estranged friend....my arms went numb and I had a stabbing, excruciating pain in my neck occur while I was at a full stop at a traffic light. I thought I was becoming paralyzed. I did absolutely nothing to cause that pain. Two months later I ran into this friend, and come to find out, he totaled his brand new, week old car, on his birthday (the same day and hour that the pain hit me ...like a freight train), in the same intersection that I had totaled my truck four years prior (on my best friend's birthday as well). He walked away without a scratch or whiplash. I'm thinking you may have this same gifting. The only thing I would suggest you do first thing (whether this is your gifting or not) is to get into the Word immediately. Don't worry about famous or non-famous "healers" anymore, or "healing" theology....just start praying, reading the Bible, and get involved with a good Bible-based church (that isn't closed off to the gifts). God's going to start giving you discernment of who is a BS-er and who isn't. If you improve your relationship with Jesus Christ, Holy Spirit is going to get involved more.....simply because your participation and authorization is needed in order to have this happen. Jesus can't force you to do anything because of your free will. Don't worry about tomorrow, just start thanking Jesus for the magnificent person He already is today....then watch what happens, you will be blown away without a doubt. Also, I've found that if I have a problem - let's say that my back is hurting - I ask Jesus to reveal to me someone else who is having a back problem as well, so that I can pray for them. When I've prayed for others, I've had some pretty cool supernatural things happen to me in return. God's ways are not our ways, which is why healing comes through different methods (not sources). Jesus isn't a method....He's the one that does it (He's the source), because He paid the price for you to be well, and He's not going to let go of you until you're 100% whole. We - the redeemed - are the method. We are the vessels that Holy Spirit works through IF we allow Him to. The only way to become an open vessel for Holy Spirit on a consistent basis, is to have a close relationship with Him ON A CONSISTENT BASIS. It's a simple answer, which we all fail at times, and the answer is: Spending more time with Holy Spirit...inviting Him into your mundane tasks even. He wants to be involved in EVERY LITTLE THING you do...from picking out your clothes in the morning, to which route to take to work. He wants you checking in with Him as frequently as possible, and He will give you urgings/nudgings to remind you to do that (our God is great isn't He!). Well, I hope that helped you some. The more you get into the Word, the less confusing it all is, because God speaks directly to your heart no matter what you read in the Bible. Flip it open every day, pray/pray/pray, and ask Holy Spirit questions about what you should do or say about this or that all throughout your day. Also, get into a good church (if you're not in one already). He'll rock your world if you do those things, but don't take my word for it..... God bless you. Thank you so much for posting. You're precious on this site.

God is so very good. He's perfection and His grace is sufficient for all of us. He knows the best way to get to anybody that's a thorn in our side. Praise God, I'm so glad that you were able to see that marriage counselor in Mass. God bless you.

That does help....thank you for that.

Thanks ladies.....needed those words! Really, really needed them...you don't even know.

I know....it's the best thing if he goes. It's interesting that you can see your prayers working more that your son's away Cholette. About the covering.....I think I was looking at that the wrong way. You know how when your married....because you're a Christian, your husband is sanctified because of your relationship with Christ. I don't know...my brother leaving feels a little bit prodical son-ish, that's what I'm concerned for I guess. IDK. I've had dreams that my brother and his wife were on their way to hell and were involved in satanic cults....maybe this is where this is stemming from.

Amen to that!!!!!!!!!!

He's battling with a really bad injury....where he lives in severe neck/shoulder pain every day. He says that sneezing is the worst, that it sends intense pain throughout his body. He's going to court for a settlement this morning. Please come into agreement with me for him to have favor and that the Lord would have His way in all of this, but that it will all come to a close today (a final resolution). He's been living without the therapy he needs for almost 3 years now since the accident occurred. His doctors have said that he'll need therapy for the rest of his life, so he also needs a healing. I feel that God wants to heal him (I had prayed for him the other day, when my neck and shoulder started aching extremely bad. I then felt a sensation of my head being lifted up, moved around...like in physical therapy...then placed down really gently and deep into my pillow. After that I felt a rush over my entire body, which I believe was Holy Spirit fixing something.). Please keep him in your prayers today....court is very stressful, but he knows that God is faithful, so he's going in prepared. Thanks family.

I agree with Mia. I would never imagine in my wildest dreams that someone would do that to an innocent person, let alone a child. How horrid. So, of course, get the "OK" from Holy Spirit before going into any situation involving the feelings of others.