** Jokes **

[sinclair 0]

The Frog and The Golfer

A man goes out golfing. He is on the second hole when he notices a frog sitting next to the green. He thinks nothing of it and is about to shoot when he hears, "Ribbit 9 Iron."

The man looks around and doesn't see anyone. Again, he hears, "Ribbit 9 Iron." He looks at the frog and decides to prove the frog wrong, puts the club away, and grabs a 9 iron.

Boom!

He hits it 10 inches from the cup. He is shocked. He says to the frog, "Wow that's amazing. You must be a lucky frog, yes?"

The frog replies, "Ribbit Lucky frog."

The man decides to take the frog with him to the next hole.

"What do you think frog?" the man asks.

"Ribbit 3 wood."

The guy takes out a 3 wood and ...

Boom!

Hole in one.

The man is befuddled and doesn't know what to say.

By the end of the day, the man golfed the best game of golf in his life and asks the frog, "OK where to next?"

The frog replies, "Ribbit Las Vegas ."

They go to Las Vegas and the guy says, "OK frog, now what?"

The frog says, "Ribbit Roulette."

Upon approaching the roulette table, the man asks, "What do you think I should bet?"

The frog replies, "Ribbit $3000, black 6." Now, this is a million-to-one shot to win, but after the golf game the man figures what the heck.

Boom!
Tons of cash comes sliding back across the table.

The man takes his winnings and buys the best room in the hotel.

He sits the frog down and says, "Frog, I don't know how to repay you. You've won me all this money and I am forever grateful."

The frog replies, "Ribbit Kiss Me."

He figures why not, since after all the frog did for him, he deserves it. With a kiss, the frog turns into a gorgeous girl.

"And that

is how the girl ended up in my room, Elin.

So help me God or my name isn't Tiger."

[thefuhrer 0]

nobody is perfect, i suppose

"Wat now then, Mr.Woods? Indefinitely is a very uncomfortable word"

[demonicle-hwcmalaysia 0]

Sinclair.. this kinda sound like one YOUR own excuses u'd give ur wife

[undercoverbrother 0]

Ah Beng jokes

Ah Beng bought a new mobile.
He sent a message to everyone from his Phone Book & said,
'My Mobile No. Has changed.
Earlier it was Nokia 3310. Now it is 6610'

Ah Beng : I am a Proud, coz my son is in Medical College.
Friend: Really, what is he studying.
Ah Beng: No, he is not studying, they are Studying him.

Ah Beng : Doctor, in my dreams, I play football every night.
DR: Take this tablet, you will be ok.
Ah Beng : Can I take tomorrow, tonight is final game.

Ah Beng : If I die, will u remarry?
Wife: No! I'll stay with my sister. But if I die will u remarry?
Ah Beng : No, I'll also stay with your sister.

Ah Beng : People consider me as a 'GOD'
Wife: How do you know??
Ah Beng : When I went to the Park today, everybody said,
Oh GOD! U have come again.

Ah Beng complained to the police: 'Sir, all items are missing,
except the TV in my house.'
Police: 'How the thief did not take TV?'
Ah Beng : 'I was watching TV news...'

Ah Beng comes back 2 his car & find a note saying 'Parking Fine'
He Writes a note and sticks it to a pole 'Thanks for complement.'

How do you recognize Ah Beng in School?
He is the one who erases the notes from the book when the teacher erases the board.

Once Ah Beng was walking he had a glove on one hand and not on other.
So the man asked him why he did so. He replied that the weather forecast announced that on one hand it would be cold and on the other hand it would be hot.

Ah Beng in a bar and his cellular phone rings. He picks it up and
Says 'Hello, how did you know I was here?'

Ah Beng : Why are all these people running?
Man - This is a race, the winner will get the cup
Ah Beng - If only the winner will get the cup, why others running?

Teacher: 'I killed a person' convert this sentence into future tense
Ah Beng : The future tense is 'u will go to jail'

Ah Beng told his servant: 'Go and water the plants!'
Servant: 'It's already raining.'
Ah Beng : 'So what? Take an umbrella and go.'

A man asked Ah Beng why Ahmad Badawi goes walking in the Evening and not in the morning Ah Beng replied Ahmad Badawi is PM not AM

[ADVedder 0]

LOL! who got anymore jokes? demon?

[demonicle-hwcmalaysia 0]

............ i can't joke....

[enyomic 0]

i got a good one ... it's a true story


Last Sunday, I promise to buy my daughter the January edition of 'Kuntum' . So I stop by at this mamak shop and ask "Uncle, ada kuntum tak?"

"Ada ada dalam, mari pilih apa u mau" said the nice old man.

So I went into the shop and I was shocked that the uncle was pointing to a stack of "French Caps".

"Yang mana u mau, sini banyak."

Then I had to explain to the poor old man what I was looking for and thank him for his kind help. I couldn't stop laughing when I got back into the car.

Lucky my daughter never follow.

[Nrik Kueh 0]

@ bro Sinclair joke

[sinclair 0]

An Italian, a Scotsman and a Chinese man are hired at a Construction site.

The foreman points out a huge pile of sand.
He says to the Italian guy, "You're in charge of sweeping."
To the Scotsman he says, "You're in charge of shovelling."
And to the Chinese guy, "You're in charge of supplies."

He then says, "Now, I have to leave for a little while. "I expect you men to make a dent in that pile of sand."

So when the foreman returns after being away for a couple of hours the pile of sand is untouched.

He asks the Italian, "Why didn't you sweep any of it?"

The Italian replies, "I no hava no broom. You saida to the Chinesea fella that he a wasa ina charge of supplies, but he hasa disappeared and I no coulda finda him nowhere."

Then the foreman turns to the Scotsman and says "And you, I thought I told you to shovel this pile."

The Scotsman replies, "Aye, that ye did laddie, boot ah could nae get meself a shoovel. Ye left th' Chinese gadgie in chairge of supplies, boot ah couldna fin' him neither."

The foreman is really angry now. He storms off toward the pile of sand to look for the Chinese gent.

Just then, the Chinese man leaps out from behind the pile of sand and yells,


"SUPPLIES!!!!"

[demonicle-hwcmalaysia 0]

=.=|||

[ferraririzer 0]

What is pink and fluffy?
Pink Fluff.

What is blue and fluffy?
Pink Fluff holding it's breath

[hassan 0]

kelakar kelakar .. lawak btui hampa nih... bro sinclair is lawaking musim 4 ...

[hokuan 0]

lol, sinclair, that really make me LOL!

[chee keng hong 0]

. !!!

[undercoverbrother 0]

Dracula was killed one day & up he went to the Pearly Gates of Heaven to meet God. God refused to let Dracula in because of the sins that he had committed, such as going round sucking blood and killing. "I'll give you a chance to redeem your sins", said God. "I'll send you back to earth, but not in a human form. You can only be reincarnated into any other living being of your choice. So, what would you like to be?"

Still unrepentant, Dracula said, "OK, I want to become a living thing with wings and suck blood, heh..heh..heh." So be it", said God and He turned Dracula into a vampire bat.

So back to earth he went flying around sucking the blood of animals until one day when he got killed by a farmer. Up he went again to meet God, feeling a little bit sheepish. "I'll give you another chance," said God, I'll send you back again but not as a human or a bat. What will it be this time?"

Still adamant, Dracula said, I'll still want to be a living thing with wings and suck blood!" God thought for a while and then said, "OK, if that's what you want", and turned Dracula into a mosquito.

So back to the earth again he went, flying around & sucking blood until one day. Splat! He got squashed by his victim. So up he went again to meet God.

Feeling stupid, "I'll give you one last chance to redeem yourself. But, this time you can't become a living thing. You can only be turned into a non-living thing of your choice. So what will it be?" asked God. Still acting stubborn, Dracula said, "Okay, then turn me into a non-living thing with wings and suck blood! heh..heh...heh".

"No problem," said God and He turned Dracula into Whisper Ultra Slim Sanitary Napkin.. with wings.

[hassan 0]

dalakula... dalakula... our very own nabil... ucb... lawaking contender aso

[demonicle-hwcmalaysia 0]

i'm gonna lock this thread if the jokes keep getting lame

[chee keng hong 0]

UCB.............wakakakkak!!

[RGSUKAN 0]

kekekeek...i cannot tahan anymore...all jokes are %^$#$#^%..kekekke

[danielh 0]

thanks for the dracula jokes!!!

[undercoverbrother 0]

demonicle wrote:

i'm gonna lock this thread if the jokes keep getting lame

Prob is not lame jokes rarely comes with PG rating.

[undercoverbrother 0]

A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work. Her 9 years old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch. The woman's husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already.

The little boy says, "Dark in here."
The man says, "Yes, it is."
"I have a baseball."
"That's nice."
"Want to buy it?"
"No, thanks."
"My dad's outside."
"OK, how much?"
"$250"

In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together.

"Dark in here."
"Yes, it is."
"I have a baseball glove."

The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, "How much?"

"$750"
"Sold."

A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your glove, let's go outside and have a game of catch.

The boy says, "I can't, I sold my baseball and my glove." The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?" "$1,000." The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that. That is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess."

They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth with the priest and he closes the door.

The boy says, "Dark in here."

"Don't start that shit again.."

[hassan 0]

wallawey... this is the best so far .... nice ucb

[demonicle-hwcmalaysia 0]

nice one....

[danielh 0]

nice joke ucb!

[zint3000 0]

aiya...
lawak gile joke UCB...
very dark indeed...
haha

[sinclair 0]

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that the English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5-year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English".

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.

[danielh 0]

one minute reading from english ending up speaking germans!!

[demonicle-hwcmalaysia 0]

danke

[Nrik Kueh 0]

undercoverbrother wrote:

A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work. Her 9 years old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch. The woman's husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already.

The little boy says, "Dark in here."
The man says, "Yes, it is."
"I have a baseball."
"That's nice."
"Want to buy it?"
"No, thanks."
"My dad's outside."
"OK, how much?"
"$250"

In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together.

"Dark in here."
"Yes, it is."
"I have a baseball glove."

The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, "How much?"

"$750"
"Sold."

A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your glove, let's go outside and have a game of catch.

The boy says, "I can't, I sold my baseball and my glove." The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?" "$1,000." The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that. That is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess."

They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth with the priest and he closes the door.

The boy says, "Dark in here."

"Don't start that shit again.."

So the priest was the lover? AHAHAHAHA!

nice one bro ucb!

[hokuan 0]

Ever heard of "Chuck Norris's Fact" ? Here's a few
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
Chuck Norris doesn't cheat death. He wins fair and square.
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
Chuck Norris can delete the Recycling Bin.

[danny90 0]

i got one riddle for u guys,tis riddle from my father

red house made from red bricks
blue house made from blue bricks
yellow house made from yellow bricks
black house made from black bricks
green house made from what???

[demonicle-hwcmalaysia 0]

green bricks?

[demonicle-hwcmalaysia 0]

sh*t house made from?

[danny90 0]

demonicle wrote:

green bricks?

green house made from glass

[demonicle-hwcmalaysia 0]

glass house made from?

[rikmun 0]

danny90 wrote:

i got one riddle for u guys,tis riddle from my father

red house made from red bricks
blue house made from blue bricks
yellow house made from yellow bricks
black house made from black bricks
green house made from what???

carbon dioxide

[hokuan 0]

Green house made from green brick, shit house made from shit brick, glass house made from glass brick.

[Fadli85 0]

Why so serious?

hehehe.....

[demonicle-hwcmalaysia 0]

hokuan wrote:

Green house made from green brick, shit house made from shit brick, glass house made from glass brick.

finally!!!

[hokuan 0]

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird!

[demonicle-hwcmalaysia 0]

hokuan wrote:

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird!

[netmatrix 0]

Quote :

red house made from red bricks
blue house made from blue bricks
yellow house made from yellow bricks
black house made from black bricks
green house made from what???

Green house is a phenomenon. Its made by man. Else you are talking about LEGO bricks? Then its plastic.

[hokuan 0]

Bro, jokes section la..

[danielh 0]

some short jokes.....

boy: may i hold your hand?
girl : no thanks, it isn't heavy.

girl :If we become engaged, will you give me a ring??
boy : sure, what's your phone number??

girl : i think the poorest people are the happiest.
boy : then marry me and we'll be the happiest couple.

boy : i love you and i could die for you!
girl: how soon??

boy: i would go to the end of the world for you!
girl: yes, but would you stay there??

sharon:
have you ever had hot passionate, burning kiss??
tracy:
i did once. He'd forgotten to take the cigarette out of his mouth!!

man: you remind me of the sea...
woman: because i'm wild, romantic and exciting??
man: No, because you make me sick..

wife: you tell a man something, it goes in one ear and come out of the other.
husband: you tell a woman something, it goes in both ears and comes out of the mouth.

mary: John says i'm pretty ..Andy says i'm ugly.What do you think tom?
tom: A bit both, i think you're pretty ugly..

[netmatrix 0]

Do you know why a lot of black people died every time america sends their black citizens to war?

[sinclair 0]

hokuan wrote:

Bro, jokes section la..

[netmatrix 0]

Hey its a joke!

[sinclair 0]

This really made me LOL.

[danielh 0]