Oldfart

Lee, youre not the first and you most certainly wont be the last. At least you got it sorted

I'm sure you will enjoy this. I never knew one word in the English language that could be a noun, verb, adj, adv, prep. UP This two-letter word in English has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that word is 'UP.' It is listed in the dictionary as an [adv], [prep], [adj], [n] or [v]. It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP? At a meeting, why does a topic come UP? Why do we speak UP, and why are the officers UP for election (if there is a tie, it is a toss UP) and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report? We call UP our friends, brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver, warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP the house and fix UP the old car. At other times, this little word has real special meaning. People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses. To be dressed is one thing but to be dressed UP is special. And this UP is confusing: A drain must be opened UP because it is blocked UP. We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UPat night. We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP! To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP, look UP the word UP in the dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4 of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions. If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used. It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP, you may wind UP with (UP to) a hundred or more. When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP. When the sun comes out, we say it is clearing UP. When it rains, it soaks UP the earth. When it does not rain for awhile, things dry UP. One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it UP, for now . . . my time is UP! Oh . . . one more thing: What is the first thing you do in the morning and the last thing you do at night? U P! Did that one crack you UP? Don't screw UP.. Send this on to everyone you look UP in your address book . . . or not . . . it's UP to you. Now I'll shut UP

PARAPROSDOKIANS: (Winston Churchill loved them.) "Paraprosdokian" is defined as: "Figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected; frequently used in a humorous situation." "Where there's a will, I want to be in it," is a type of paraprosdokian. 1. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience. 2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list. 3. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. 4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong. 5. We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public. 6. War does not determine who is right - only who is left. 7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad. 8. Evening news is where they begin with 'Good Evening,' and then proceed to tell you why it isn't. 9. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research. 10. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station. 11. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted pay checks. 12. Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says, 'In case of emergency, notify:' I put 'DOCTOR.' 13. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you. 14. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy. 15. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman. 16. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory. 17. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice. 18. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with. 19. There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away. 20. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure. 21. You're never too old to learn something stupid. 22. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target. 23. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be. 24. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine. 25. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car. 26. Where there's a will, there are relatives.

best of luck for next week M8

Anyone remember Dave Croxford who rode for Norton at one point? His motto was 'when in doubt, take it flat out' Had one of his bikes for sale in MCN many years ago and was advertised as 'one of the bikes he did'nt throw up the road!'

At least you and the bike are ok Stue. We've all done it at sometime. You just feel such a prat especially if people are watching

ghostly

Well done m8 hope all goes well, fingers crossed

The 'Keystone Cops' would have been there sooner (for those of us oldies who know who they are!!!)

Firstly, hope you are feeling better Keep us all posted. Cant let this cretin get away with what she has done.

Hilarious http://www.evtv1.com/player.aspx?itemnum=6234&aid=

http://www.evtv1.com/player.aspx?itemnum=20382

J and S Eastwood just up from Ikea (J26 M1)

Not my cup of tea I'm afraid. Amazed you can get an MOT with no mudguards but I suppose its not brakes lights steering or frame so it dont count

Had one myself. Lovely bike.

His ad says all bikes valeted and serviced to a high standard. Love to see what he makes of that p.o.s.

A SENIOR MOMENT...... I HOPE I HAVE THEM LIKE THIS!!! A 98 year old woman in the UK wrote this to her bank. The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it published in the Times. Dear Sir, I am writing to thank you for bouncing my cheque with which I endeavoured to pay my plumber last month. By my calculations, three nanoseconds must have elapsed between his presenting the cheque and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honour it. I refer,of course,to the automatic monthly deposit of my Pension, an arrangement, which, I admit, has only been in place for a mere thirty eight years. You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and also for debiting my account £30 by way of penalty for the inconvenience caused to your bank. My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me to rethink my errant financial ways. I noticed that whereas I personally attend to your telephone calls and letters, when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the impersonal, overcharging, pre-recorded, faceless entity which your bank has become. From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood person. My mortgage and loan payments will therefore and hereafter no longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank by cheque, addressed personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must nominate. Be aware that it is an offence under the Postal Act for any other person to open such an envelope. Please find attached an Application Contact Status which I require your chosen employee to complete. I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative. Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be countersigned by a Solicitor, and the mandatory details of his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be accompanied by documented proof... In due course, I will issue your employee with PIN number which he/she must quote in dealings with me. I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I have modelled it on the number of button presses required of me to access my account balance on your phone bank service. As they say, imitation is the most sincere form of flattery. Let me level the playing field even further. When you call me, press buttons as follows: 1. To make an appointment to see me. 2. To query a missing payment. 3. To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there. 4. To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping. 5. To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature. 6. To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home. 7. To leave a message on my computer a password to access it is required. This will be communicated to you at a later date for the Authorized Contact. 8. To return to the main menu,and to listen to options 1 through to 8. 9. To make a general complaint or inquiry, the contact will then be put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service. While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will play for the duration of the call. Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement. May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous, New Year. Your Humble Client, Myrtle J Watson. (Remember: This was written by a 98 year old woman. DOESN'T SHE MAKE YOU PROUD!)

Couldnt have said it better

Bet it wasnt his turn to borrow the brain cell in his family. Mind you one more cell and he could be an Amoeba! What a prat

To bikers using this road (mainly Notts residents) The highways have now installed Average Speed Cameras along this stretch from Arnold through Mansfield and up to Ollerton. They are the new rear facing ones that catch bike plates. Its 50mph Not sure if they are actually active yet but I'm not wanting to find out.

http://www.cafepress.co.uk/+motorcycle+t-shirts?rpp=28

Lee

welcome to the forum