Oldfart

Same as me Keith and still love it Den

IDIOT SIGHTING: My daughter and I went through the McDonald's driveway window and I gave the cashier a £5 note. Our total was £4.25, so I also handed her 25p. She said, 'You gave me too much money.' I said, 'Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a £1 coin back.' She sighed and went to get the manager who asked me to repeat my request. I did so and he handed me back the 25p and said 'We're sorry but we don't do that kind of thing.' The cashier then proceeded to give me back 75p in change. Do not confuse the people at MacD's. IDIOT SIGHTING: We had to have the garage door repaired. The repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a 'large' enough motor on the opener. I thought for a minute and said that we had the largest one made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower. He shook his head and said, 'You need a 1/4 horsepower.' I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4 and he said, 'NOOO, it's not. Four is larger than two.' We haven't used that repairman since. IDIOT SIGHTING : I live in a semi rural area. We recently had a new neighbour call the local council P &W office to request the removal of the WOMBAT CROSSING sign on our road. The reason, 'Too many wombats are being hit by cars out here! I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.' IDIOT SIGHTING IN FOOD SERVICE: My daughter went to a Mexican takeaway and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for 'minimal lettuce.' He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg lettuce. From Bankstown , Sydney ..... I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked,'Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?' To which I replied, 'If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?' He smiled knowingly and nodded, 'That's why we ask.' This happened in Elizabeth S.A. IDIOT SIGHTING: The pedestrian light on the corner beeps when it's safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an 'intellectually challenged' co-worker of mine. She asked if I knew what the beeper was for. I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, 'What on earth are blind people doing driving?!' She is a government employee IDIOT SIGHTING: When my husband and I arrived at a car dealership to pick up our car after a service, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver's side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. 'Hey,' I announced to the technician, 'its open!' His reply, 'I know. I already did that side.' STAY ALERT! They walk among us...!

Yep my mind was working the same way

Dont use WD to clean a chain. Its a penetrant and there are lots of stories on the internet of problems. Kerosene or paraffin is one of the safest

Check this out! He built the jet engines as well https://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=SDbQ5xvsrIU

welcome to the forum and good luck with the CBT welcome

Dont know where you are in Nottm but the garage at the traffic lights on the A38 near Huthwaite just had a fuel delivery

Excellent news

Do it all, cook, clean, hoover, garden, decorate, service bikes and car etc. daughter 29 and still burns cornflakes

Trouble is that if you got yer knee down youd need a welder or blacksmith to put your kit right!

I use IXS leathers and IXS textile jackets and trousers, Sidi boots, Schuberth C3 helmet and Forcefield spine/back protector. Also replaced jacket inserts with Forcefield armour

water under the bridge as they say

Managed to fuel bike and car at a little out of the way petrol station. Went past a local Morrison and counted nearly 100 cars queueing round the perimeter of the car park. I gather the Asda drivers are one of the two groups who voted no to the strike.

Nice pics Lee

YOU GOT THAT DEAD RIGHT, DICK65,--- BEST STRESS BUSTER I'VE EVER COME ACROSS.. Agree with that

As David Frost used to say 'Hello, good evening and welcome' To the forum

I ride a lot now I'm retired and I notice that in our area I'm one of the few drivers/riders who use indicators. Cant believe it. Some people think you are psychic and know what they are going to do next.

Go every year, so if you want any info let me know. Going to the Manx as well. You gotta book the year before for the ferry. Booking opens on the Monday of practice week for 2013. Last year by the end of day one they had filled a ferry

Well done pleased for you m8

Pervert it is then

If you have raised kids (or been one), and gone through the pet syndrome, including toilet flush burials for dead goldfish, the story below will have you laughing out LOUD! Overview: I had to take my son's lizard to the vet. Here's what happened: Just after dinner one night, my son came up to tell me there was "something wrong" with one of the two lizards he holds prisoner in his room. "He's just lying there looking sick," he told me. "I'm serious, Dad. Can you help?" I put my best lizard-healer expression on my face and followed him into his bedroom. One of the little lizards was indeed lying on his back, looking stressed. I immediately knew what to do. "Honey," I called, "come look at the lizard!" "Oh, my gosh!" my wife exclaimed. "She's having babies." "What?" my son demanded. "But their names are Bert and Ernie, Mom!" I was equally outraged. "Hey, how can that be? I thought we said we didn't want them to reproduce," I said accusingly to my wife. "Well, what do you want me to do, post a sign in their cage?" she inquired (I think she actually said this sarcastically!) "No, but you were supposed to get two boys!" "Yeah, Bert and Ernie!" my son agreed. "Well, it's just a little hard to tell on some guys, you know," she informed me (Again with the sarcasm!). By now the rest of the family had gathered to see what was going on. I shrugged, deciding to make the best of it. "Kids, this is going to be a wondrous experience," I announced. "We're about to witness the miracle of birth." "Oh, gross!" they shrieked We peered at the patient. After much struggling, what looked like a tiny foot would appear briefly, vanishing a scant second later. "We don't appear to be making much progress," I noted. "It's breech," my wife whispered, horrified. "Do something, Dad!" my son urged. "Okay, okay." Squeamishly, I reached in and grabbed the foot when it next appeared, giving it a gentle tug. It disappeared. I tried several more times with the same results. "Should I call 999?" my eldest daughter wanted to know. "Maybe they could talk us through the trauma." (You see a pattern here with the females in my house?) "Let's get Ernie to the vet," I said grimly. We drove to the vet with my son holding the cage in his lap. "Breathe, Ernie, breathe," he urged. The vet took Ernie back to the examining room and peered at the little animal through a magnifying glass. "What do you think, Doc, a C-section?" I suggested scientifically. "Oh, very interesting," he murmured. "Mr. and Mrs. Cameron, may I speak to you privately for a moment?" I gulped, nodding for my son to step outside. "Is Ernie going to be okay?" my wife asked. "Oh, perfectly," the vet assured us. "This lizard is not in labor. In fact, that isn't EVER going to happen. . . Ernie is a boy. You see, Ernie is a young male. And occasionally, as they come into maturity, like most male species, they um . . Um . . . Masturbate. Just the way he did, lying on his back." He blushed, glancing at my wife. We were silent, absorbing this. "So, Ernie's just . Just . . . Excited," my wife offered. "Exactly," the vet replied, relieved that we understood. More silence. Then my vicious, cruel wife started to giggle. And giggle. And then even laugh loudly. Tears were now running down her face. "It's just .that . ..I'm picturing you pulling on its . . . Its. . Teeny little . . " She gasped for more air to bellow in laughter once more. "That's enough," I warned. We thanked the vet and hurriedly bundled the lizard and our son back into the car.. He was glad everything was going to be okay. "I know Ernie's really thankful for what you did, Dad," he told me. "Oh, you have NO idea," my wife agreed, collapsing with laughter. Two lizards: £140. One cage: £50. Trip to the vet:£30. Memory of your husband pulling on a lizard's winkie: Priceless! Moral of the story: Pay attention in biology class. Lizards lay eggs!

Never ride without full kit even when I lived in Tenerife. you dont mend so well when you get older. Just uprated my back protector as well. Remember if the unthinkable happens dont roll in a ball. Spread out like the racers do if you can. In a ball its your spine thats exposed

Came across a group of riders in a mess on the road last year. Evidently one or two had gone over the brow of a hill in Norfolk and dropped their bikes braking for a bend. The rest piled into the wreckage (about 12 bikes in all) Guess what, IAM bikers