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Everything posted by Oldfart
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One day two guys were passing a restaurant. Outside was a sign saying 'We can provide any meal. If we cant we will pay £1000' Intrigued the two guys went in and thought they would put it to the test. The waiter came over and they ordered 'elephants foot pate' for starters. The meal duly arrived and they tucked in. For the main they ordered two 'Tiger steaks'. The waiter came back with the two steaks. For desert they decided to have 'chocolate coated turtles eggs'. The waiter duly obliged. After the meal the two men called the manager and said they didnt belive what they had was the genuine food. So the waiter took them back into the kitchen. He opened the freezer and inside was an elephant minus one foot, a tiger who had been butchered and a female turtle. Amazed the two men asked if the restaurant had ever been caught out. The manager smiled and said 'Yes once. A couple came in and one asked for mermaids tits on toast. Trouble is we had run out of bread!'
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I have a little Satnav It sits there in my car A Satnav is a driver's friend It tells you where you are I have a little Satnav I've had it all my life It’s better than the normal ones My Satnav is my wife It gives me full instructions Especially how to drive "It's thirty miles an hour", it says "You're doing thirty five" It tells me when to stop and start And when to use the brake And tells me that it's never ever Safe to overtake It tells me when a light is red And when it goes to green It seems to know instinctively Just when to intervene It lists the vehicles just in front And all those to the rear And taking this into account It specifies my gear. I'm sure no other driver Has so helpful a device For when we leave and lock the car It still gives its advice It fills me up with counselling Each journey's pretty fraught So why don't I exchange it And get a quieter sort? Ah well, you see, it cleans the house, Makes sure I'm properly fed, It washes all my shirts and things And - keeps me warm in bed! Despite all these advantages And my tendency to scoff, I do wish that once in a while I could turn the damned thing off.
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stock exhaust mod (b-king )
Oldfart replied to Davehutch-hutchs's topic in Advice on Repairing and maintaining your bike
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A young blonde fears her husband is having an affair. She goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she finds him in bed with a redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps off the bed and starts begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically, the blonde responds to the husband: "Shut up, you're next."
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Two members birthday today
Oldfart replied to Davehutch-hutchs's topic in The Pub "Tinker and Budget"