Oldfart

Good morning Sue

A golfer playing in Ireland hooked his drive into the woods. Looking for his ball, he found a little Leprechaun flat on his back, a big bump on his head and the golfer's ball beside him. Horrified, the golfer got his water bottle from the cart and poured it over the little guy, reviving him. "Arrgh! What happened?" the Leprechaun asked. "I'm afraid I hit you with my golf ball," the golfer replied. "Oh, I see. Well, ye got me fair and square. Ye get three wishes, so whaddya want?" asked the Leprechaun. "Thank God, you're all right!" the golfer answered in relief. "I don't want anything. I'm just glad you're OK, and I apologise." And with that, the golfer walks off. 'What a nice guy,' the Leprechaun said to himself. 'I have to do something for him. I'll give him the three things I would want; a great golf game, all the money he ever needs, and a fantastic sex life.' A year goes by and the golfer is back. On the same hole, he again hits a bad drive into the woods and the Leprechaun is there waiting for him. "'Twas me that made ye hit the ball here," the little guy said. "I just want to ask ye, how's yer golf game?" "My game is fantastic!" the golfer answered. "I'm an internationally famous golfer now." He added, "By the way, it's good to see you're all right." "Oh, I'm fine now, thank ye. I did that fer yer golf game, you know. And tell me, how's yer money situation?" the little guy asked. "Why, it's just wonderful!" the golfer stated. "When I need cash, I just reach in my pocket and pull out €100 notes I didn't even know were there!" "I did that fer ye also. And tell me, how's yer sex life?" asked the Leprechaun. The golfer blushed, turned his head away in embarrassment, and said shyly, "It's OK." "C'mon, c'mon now," urged the Leprechaun, "I'm wanting to know if I did a good job. How many times a week?" Blushing even more, the golfer looked around, then whispered, "Once, sometimes twice a week." "What?" exclaimed the Leprechaun in shock and disbelief. "That's all? Only once or twice a week?" "Well," replied the golfer, "I believe that's not too bad for a Catholic priest in a small parish."

An attractive blonde from Cork, Ireland, arrived at the casino. She seemed a little intoxicated and bet twenty thousand dollars in a single roll of the dice. She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude." with that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and with an Irish brogue yelled, "Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!" As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed... "Yes! Yes! I won, I won!" She hugged each of the dealers, picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly parted. The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?" The other answered, "I don't know - I thought you were watching." MORAL OF THE STORY Not all Irish are drunks, not all blondes are dumb, ..... but all men... are men! Global Facts About = Sex At any given moment: FACT: 79,000,000 people are having sex - right now. FACT: 58,000,000 are kissing. FACT: 37,000,000 are relaxing after having sex. FACT: 1 old person is reading emails. You hang in there, sunshine

Just put it in my diary

I wish

Dont blame me folks I just passed them on. Ive just got one or two sad friends!!!

motorbikes

Just the dogs borrox Age and treachery always triumph over youth and skill

Punographics... I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now. When chemists die, they barium. Jokes about German sausage are the wurst. I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time. How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it. I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me. This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore. I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down. I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words. They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Type-O. PMS jokes aren't funny; period. Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations. We are going on a class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there's no pop quiz. I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me. Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils? When you get a bladder infection urine trouble. Broken pencils are pointless. I tried to catch some fog, but I mist. What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus. England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool . I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest. I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx. All the toilets in New York 's police stations have been stolen. The police have nothing to go on. I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough. Haunted French pancakes give me the creapes. Velcro — what a rip off! A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy Venison for dinner again? Oh deer! The earthquake in Washington obviously was the government's fault. Be kind to your dentist. He has fillings, too.

just need to get the angle grinder on the sliders Nah go to the local playground and go on the kiddies roundabout and get yer knee down

Have got 2 sets of Vesrah pads for a GSX1400 Two K&N oil filters No. KN134 think they are for Suzuki GSXR 750 but may fit other models Just found a spare GSX1400 electric fuel pump Free to good home

Austin 1100 wow I had one of those. Was a mechanic in a BMC garage and used to repair them. As an aside. We all think about it but we all get over it. As has been said take the time to do it up and enjoy many more years. I'm 65 and hopefully have a lot more years left. My fear is when I finally give it up I gonna be like a bear with a sore head for ages

Best to take it off for welding. Not good to have heat where there is oil, fuel and wiring

I would have thought welding either Oxy acet or mig. Depends on how thick the metal is. Failing that bronze welding as its a lower temp if the metal is thin.

Hardwick Island is bad at Kings Lynn. Been cut up on the bike loads of times. The lanes are badly signposted exiting onto the A47 near the motel and cut across at the last minute

Korky Ballington Honda NR500 with Grant on board at a Donington test day (rare pic) Ron Haslam (2) Barry Sheene (7) and Mick Grant (10) Transatlantic races

This is me the old fart! Den

Good race wont say who won in case some havent seen it yet. Anyone got the impression Rossi will call it a day if he cant get the Duke right this season?

Hi Doug welcome to the forum and enjoy the Triumph. I do

My bike was a lifesaver as well. At the age of 48 my first wife passed away to cancer. It was bikes and biking that kept me from losing it. Will always be grateful I got into bikes.

Thats right Tony rub our noses in it you lucky . glad you enjoyed it m8

couldnt put it better Rob Totally agree Rob

Will post some old pics of mine when I get them all together. Got some of a test day at Donington with Mick Grant on the ill fated NR500 Honda

IT MIGHT SOUND DAFT----- BUT I'M GLAD I'M THE AGE I'M AT.. YOU YOUNGER FOLK HAVE IT ALL TO DO, AND IT WAS HARD WHEN I WAS YOUNG.. BUT THINGS ARE SO MUCH TOUGHER FOR YOU GUYS IN THESE TIMES. IT WOULDN'T SURPRISE ME IF RETIREMENT AGE WAS PUT UP TO THE MID, TO LATE SEVENTIES..BUT DON'T DESPARE...ENJOY EVERY MINUTE OF BEING YOUNG, AND IF YOU HAVE A YOUNG FAMILY, SPEND AS MUCH TIME AS YOU CAN WITH THEM....IT SOON PASSES----SADLY. I agree. I retired TWICE! Once at 60 ahd went to live in Tenerife. Loved it and would still be there if missus hadnt stole/plundered pension fund. Came back to UK after losing house, got divorced and worked in London for my old firm for a short contract. Retired fully about 18 months ago. Its a bit of a shock initially both financial and emotional but you learn to adjust. I live alone but am nearly always active. Still got my bike and on clear days i am never in. Put a camping stove in the Givi pack some sarnies and camera and just take off. No time restraints. Stop and brew up in a layby and enjoy the views you were too busy to notice when you worked. Go to the TT every year as well as some BSB rounds. Walk in the winter to keep fit when I cant get out on bike. If youve always been busy and kept your mind active you will find things to keep you going. And yes enjoy your kids while youve got them. Mine have flown the nest. If all else fails read the jokes and comments on this forum!!!!

Back to normal in this area. Gonna make the governments figures look good with the recent panic buying. Nice move by the ministers